


These Days

by itsnotbritneybutstillabitch



Series: Help me leave these lonely thoughts behind [1]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Anger, Break Up, F/F, Flashbacks, Mental Health Issues, Original Character(s), Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:08:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21772735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsnotbritneybutstillabitch/pseuds/itsnotbritneybutstillabitch
Summary: A fic based on the song "These Days".Beca's about to present her first work as a producer and she needs the Bellas to be by her side on her big night. But will they all be there?Years had passed between them, but some scars remain forever in their hearts.
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Series: Help me leave these lonely thoughts behind [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765522
Comments: 40
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey anyone! I hope you enjoy! Sorry for the mistakes you can find, and I still don't know how many chapters it would have.

Her life in L.A. had been a rush. She had been working so hard to make her dream come true, and now she could start to see she’s getting what she aimed the most.

It felt good. Well, it felt great. She was so proud of her first song and she was happy she could start this journey with the best artists in the music industry. She wasn’t an assistant anymore.

The premier and the party to celebrate the first single was a day away, and of course, she wanted it to celebrate with the people she loved the most.

The Bellas were and would be her family for the rest of her life. They were the ones who never doubted her, especially Chloe, and even though they didn’t talk much, they knew they were there for each other.

They used to talk for the group chat they had at least once a month, sometimes it was about the new TV show someone loved, a song they used to sing as a Bellas, or some important news someone wanted to share.

As soon as Beca knew about the party, she texted her friends to invite them. She needed them there, and despite she wouldn’t admit it, it would be the perfect excuse for a Bellas reunion; a perfect excuse to see Chloe again.

Most of the girls answered excited right away, congratulating Beca and telling her to send the details so they could get there.

The ones who never answered were Lilly (of course), Amy who called Beca the second after pressing send to that message, and Chloe, the one who hurt the most.

A week before the event Beca called Stacie.

Beca didn’t bother to make real friends the first year in Barden because she thought it would be her last, but after her second year, she got closer to the brunette. They had that weird connection and inside jokes that progressed in a true friendship.

Stacie had been there during and after all that happened between Chloe and her.

“Hey, Hobbit!” The taller woman picked up.

“Could you please stop calling me that?” Beca sighed.

It was nice hearing her voice again. She’s been busy she hasn’t had time to call her friend in almost two months.

“Never,” she smiled at the other end of the phone. “How are you? Nervous?”

“I’m good, excited to see you guys,” she stopped and thought how to introduce the topic.

“Me too,” Sighed Stacie, “It would be good to have some days for myself. Do you know anything about the other Bellas?”

“Yeah, most of them texted me and lately I think I need to catch up with all of them,” she smiled, “well, besides Amy and you,” it was hard to hold back the question burning inside her.

“I didn’t hear from Lily in almost two years and yesterday I got a package from her and a letter, and she said something about Tibet and that I’ll see her next week, that she’s coming to the event,”

“Did you open it?”

“God no!” She exclaimed, “I’m waiting for you guys to open it,”

She could hear the other girl laugh at the other side of the line, and it was liberating hearing a familiar voice and it was releasing knowing that in a week she wouldn’t be alone anymore. At least for a few days.

She had been working so hard in that song. Early mornings at the studio and late nights. Most nights it was easier to just stay there and kept her mind busy instead of going home alone.

Not that she didn’t enjoy her time by herself (she’d always liked that), but she was feeling lonely.

She spent so many hours and work in that project that she thought the hole in her chest would be filled up once the song was done, once the song was as she had imagined it. Things didn’t work that way.

It had been tough. She had cried, more than she thought she would during the process, but now it was done, and she was happy. Most of it.

“I talked to Aubrey the other day,” She interrupted her thoughts, “She said she was aca-excited and aca-happy for you and she can’t wait to meet us next week.”

“Do you know anything about her?”

“What? God Beca, you don’t listen to me! I just said-,”

“I’m not talking about Aubrey,”

Stacie’s breathing at the other end of the line was the only reason she knew the other girl was still there.

In a way, Stacie was expecting that question, the same question Beca kept asking every time they talked, but she thought how hard was all that subject for Beca that, even though months passed, she still didn’t learn a good way for it to be easier.

“Look Beca, I-,” she sighed. “Aubrey didn’t talk about her, and she’s been a bit distant lately that I haven’t been able to reach her,” she lied.

Well, it wasn’t a complete lie. It was true that she hadn’t talked to Chloe in a while. She wasn’t answering her texts or calls, that’s the main reason she called Aubrey. She was getting worried.

Aubrey wasn’t much help. She just said that Chloe was with her mom, that she was having a rough time and she wouldn’t be available in a while.

“Oh…” Beca cleared her throat, “it’s okay, I mean…”

“Well, what are we going to do after the premiere? I want to party like the old times!” Stacie changed the subject.

“I think Amy booked us somewhere, but she refuses to tell me where or for how long,” She laughed trying to hide that her mood had changed.

“That sounds like Amy!” She laughed, “I really miss you guys,” she continued.

“I really miss you too,” she took a deep breath, “I have to go, Stace, but I’ll see you next week,” there was a knot in her throat now.

“Okay Hobbit, but please” Stacie took a deep breath,” promise me you will call me if you need anything.”

“I will Stace, thanks.” Beca said before hanging up.

She thought that with time it would get easier, she thought that it would be easier to push her out, forget her and just keep living her life, date again and find a new person to share her life with.

It’s been two years since the last Bella reunion. One year and nine months since she last saw Chloe, and she was hoping tomorrow that would change.

* * *

Chloe was back to her little hometown lost in Texas, close to the limit with Nuevo Mexico. She moved back with her parents two months ago when she broke up with Greg after a year and a half.

Everything had moved fast, but Chloe realized what she was doing wasn’t right, she didn’t want that, and she couldn’t waste the man’s time anymore. Something in her wasn’t right and she needed time to fix it up, so she thought the best option was going home, her safe place.

The first three weeks at home were good. She called Aubrey almost every day, amazed at how was handling the break-up and how good she was feeling, realizing he wasn’t for her.

The worst came after a week when all the pain started to come out. All that she tried to hide and the hole she tried to fill with the past relationship, all broke down.

How she gave up on her dreams, on the job she always wanted. She realized she had been running away from the fear of facing the situations through those years. She couldn’t take care of her broken heart and having time to herself, to think about everything, just faced her with her loneliness and heartsick.

She felt she lost her young years, she felt her time had passed, that she would be no one and her opportunity to make the world a better place wouldn’t be hers.

She spent her days crying in her room, not answering Aubrey’s calls or her mother’s effort on making her feel better.

She couldn’t stop the loop she was living on.

There was a knock on her door.

“My darling?” Her mother opened slowly. “I made you a sandwich in case you’re hungry,” she sat on her bed, “How are you feeling?”

She moved her hand trough Chloe’s messed hair. Chloe’s glance was lost somewhere in her room and her voice was nowhere to be found.

“Do you want to take a bath?” Her mom asked again, but all that Chloe could do was denying with her head.

“Look, honey,” her mom took a deep breath, “I talked to Aubrey, because she was worried about you, and we are too,” Tears were on Chloe’s eyes again.

“She told me about the premiere you have in L.A. this Friday, and I know you feel you aren’t strong enough right now, but I know you as well, and I even though you don’t want to talk about it, I know how you’re feeling.” She said drying her daughter’s eyes.

“It’s okay, babe, I’m here with you,” The older woman let Choe cry in her arms. She could feel her daughter’s heartache on her own chest.

“I know when you’re happy,” she continued, “and I know whom you’re happy with.”

That sentence made Chloe finally look at her.

“I know you’re not been happy with Greg, well, at least not as happy as you were with Beca.” She could hear Chloe’s heart, break a little more. “It’s not the same smile and I know your smiles, and I just want you to be happy, and I think you should go to California and support your friend because that’s what she was before all of that.”

“Maybe things won’t be the same as they were and I’m not saying you should get back together, but I think you should keep her in your life, she was the smile I am missing on you.” That sentence made Chloe break down like never before. Her mom held her close and moved her thumb slowly over her cheek, drying the tears that were falling.

“Mom, I just-“ she said with her broken voice, “I think I still love her, but I hate her so much” another sob came out.

“That’s okay, babe,” she held her close, “that’s another reason why you should go, you will be able to finally close that chapter and start a new one. At least go to California and then you decide to go to the premiere or not because staying here will make you feel worse.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! thanks for reading and the comments! I hope you enjoy!!

**17 February 2019**

The day finally was here. Beca was feeling like she was a ball of anxiety ready to low up anytime. Today was the turning day of her career and she needed it to be perfect.

She called the Bellas. They were together getting ready in the hotel room Beca booked for them, in one of the best zones in Los Angeles.

“Hey, everybody!” Beca said louder just in case the speaker wasn’t enough for all the girls to hear.

“Hi Beca!” they all said.

“Are you ready? You need to be there around 7 pm.” She informed. “They will ask for your name and you’ll have to show your ID to get in,” she continued. “I don’t know who’s there, but I booked a plus one just in case you bring someone. And make sure they give you a VIP card!”

“Yay!”

“Thank you, Beca”

“You’re the best!”

The girl cheered up. The hour she had left to meet them it was feeling like forever.

“Hey,” Beca added, “It’s Aubrey around?”  
  


“Yes, Hobbit, I’m here,” the older girl was now making her way to the phone.

“Could you please turn the speaker off for a moment?”

She could hear the other girls boo at her which made her laugh, she didn’t realize how much she needed them at that moment.

“Hi, Beca, it’s everything okay? Are you okay?” Aubrey worried. Even though there were never the closest friends, after the years she had learned to read the other girl, obviously not as well as Chloe used to, but enough to understand her tones.

“Yeah, it’s okay, don’t worry,” Beca rushed her words, she didn’t want to stress the other girl, her stress was enough to have to handle a nervous Aubrey.

“I just wanted to tell you, that I booked all the Bellas, just in case,” She informed trying to maintain her tone.

“Oh, I-“ The words couldn’t come out, “thank you Beca, but I don’t kn-“

“It’s okay,” she interrupted, “I was just telling you as general information,” Aubrey could hear a voice in the background, but it wasn’t clearer enough to understand it.

“I have to go, but I’ll see you in an hour, don’t let Stacie nor Amy be late,” she said to lighten the mood before hanging up.

That place was huge. The Bellas was amazed at how beautiful that place was, and how empty it was.

“Are you sure we are on time?” Stacie asked. They could only see some technicians working on the sound and some waiters getting the food and the drinks ready.

“She told us to be here by 7, what is going on?”

“I thought it would take you more to get here,” a familiar voice behind the group answered Aubrey, “You’re always late, aca-pitches!”

Before Beca could react, she found herself lost into the Bella’s group hug. It felt so familiar yet so new, having them all together after 2 years of texts and calls, but even though years passed and some hair colors were a bit different, it all felt the same, it felt like home.

Their eyes were full of tears and love, as an only child of divorced parents, Beca didn’t know what a real family was until she got to college.

“I’m so happy to see us together again!” She missed Emily’s enthusiasm and positivism, it was something she needed in LA, especially those last months when she couldn’t find the light in her way anymore, not even the strength to look for it.

“When is this starting? You told us to be here at 7, right?” Flo asked.

“In half an hour people would be arriving, but I told you at 7 first of all because I thought you will be late,” she looked at Stacie and Amy, with just a look she reminded them how long it took to get ready and go to the parties when they were at Barden.

“And second of all, just in case you were on time, I wanted to have a drink with you, guys, before this starts, because I will have to meet people here and there and I don’t think I will have all the time I would want to have with you,” she was looking at the floor, trying to hide the tears that were building up in her eyes.

“Okay! Let’s drink pitches!” Only Amy could break a moment like that, which made the group laugh together like they used when they were living in the Bella house. She missed that more than she would have imagined.

They made her way to the bar. Amy, Flo, and Lilly in the front, followed by Ashley, Jessica, CR, and Legacy and a few steps behind Aubrey, Stacie, and Beca.

“How are you doing, Beca?” Stacie said low enough for them to hear. It’s been 4 months since she last saw Beca and despite all, she tried to hide her bags under her eyes, she noticed.

“I’m fine! Why are you aski-“ Stacie raised her eyebrow and it was enough for Beca to understand.

“I’m fine,” she repeated, “I’ve just been working hard to make this project perfect and I hope you like it, that’s all,” she lied.

She had finished the project many weeks ago, and it was true that she had been working hard to capture the essence she had in mind, but she didn’t say how hard it was for her to sleep lately, or how when she was able to sleep, she would wake up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare.

“Shots!” Amy shout got her back to reality.

“Amy don’t start!” Beca warned her, “please don’t let Legacy around her or with her alone,” she asked the other girls.

“Hey! I’m 22, I can legally drink now!” Emily protested.

“But you won’t, at least not with Amy, just don’t get away from CR,” she said looking at the other girl. She was the most responsible when it came to alcohol.

They didn’t have much time to talk about each other and what they were doing with their lives, but at least she got that Jessica and Ashley were working together somewhere in Chicago, Emily was doing a writing major to improve as a songwriter in New York.

Flo said she was still working in an important lab in Seattle and Lilly mumbled something about goats in Mali. Beca didn’t want to ask about it, just in case.

Time flew talking about everything and nothing at the same time. They were in her tiny group as if years hadn’t passed. They didn’t even realize the people coming and filling that place.

A tall man in a suit approached them. He was good looking, brown hair and green eyes.

“Sorry to interrupt, but Beca it’s almost time and people are looking for you,” the guy focused on the, now, producer.

“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” Stacie forced a laugh to get the man’s attention.

“No, I’m not,” Beca laughed at the smirk that appeared on the taller girl’s face. “I’ll see you in a while, guys,” she said before leaving the group and following the guy.

“And I almost forget, keep an eye on Legacy and Amy, I don’t trust them together,” Before any girl could protest, she turned back and left.

She spent an hour welcoming and thanking people, very important people who could make her career rise and become the producer she has always wanted to be.

There was still a lot of people to thank, and she wished she had had more time to talk to the Bellas, but she was already on the backstage, heart almost out of her chest, watching as the singers took up the stage, the lights went down, and the room went silent.

Beca smiled for herself, she hadn’t felt this good in months. It felt like everything was starting to get better in her life: she was dropping her first song a real producer, she had her friends supporting her in one of the most important nights of her life, she was going to take a vacation with them…

But at the same time, it was hard not missing the only person that could complete her, the person that sort of made all of that happen. The one Beca needed it to make the dream come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again! Let me know what you think and I know I said that I would try to update every week, and I'll try but my exams are coming and I can't promise it.  
> I have the next chapter almost done and I'll try to find more time to write, I don't want to rush and mess the story up.   
> Sorry for the mistakes!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Happy everything! I hope you have a great time with your family and loved ones. If not, I'm sending you all the support I can!  
> Thank you again for reading this and for being here!  
> Sorry for the mistakes.

**_I know you moved onto someone new_ ** **_  
Hope life is beautiful_ **

****

April to November 2017

After Amy inherited her father’s fortune, she invested and worked on her show ‘FatAmy Winehouse’ to make a Broadway show while she was living in New York.

When Beca moved to Los Angeles, she brought a house in Malibu, so she could live with Beca. How could she leave her best friend alone in that big city?

She tried to make it work in Hollywood. She was sure that movie producers were secretly fighting for her talent, but the only thing she was famous for, was for hooking up with famous actors, singers, and influencers.

She had been with Beca in her worse moments after her broken heart, acting for the first time as the best friend she always said she was, ordering food and taking Beca out to her bed and take her to work and to get her out of her house every weekend so she could clear her head.

When Beca was fine to go on her own, she used the money to travel around the world and visiting the Bellas, who were spread out. It had been 9 months Christmas and since the last reunion.

They manage to spend New Year Eve in New York altogether. They all stayed in their apartment and even though it hadn’t enough beds for all of them, they made the retreat 2.0, sleeping on top of each other again.

Fat Amy started with Flo, who was working in a huge Lab in Seattle and she finished with Lilly, who was in some village lost in Russia. She made it visit every Bella in between, most of them living in the US.

When she got back in California two months later, Amy called her.

“Hey, Shawshank! Where are you?” Amy asked.

“Hey, Ames! I thought I wouldn’t hear for you for another three months,” She said sarcastically.

“Are you at the studio?” Amy interrupted before Beca could say another word.

“Yes, I’m here,” she said confused. “Why-“

The door slammed open and the blond girl entered the room.

“Did you miss me?” She opened her arms for a hug and ran towards the smaller girl.

“What the fuck! Don’t do that again!” Beca jumped off her seat and put her hand on her chest as if with that, she could control her heart to not jump out of her chest.

“Relax, Beca! God, I can’t even joke on you anymore,” she said as she embraced the smaller girl in between her arms.

“Okay Amy, please,” she mumbled, “I can’t breathe,” she pushed her away, the shy smile on her face never leaving her.

“How are you? How have you been?” Amy said while making her way and sitting on the chair in front of Beca.

“I’ve been fine,” she said, “you know, working and stuff,” she continued pointing out at her office.

“I want you to tell me about the ‘stuff’ you’ve done,” she said with a smirk on her face.

“I was going to tell you that I’ve missed you, but I think I’m starting to regret it now,” she groaned.

“AW! You did?” she got up to hug the girl again.

“Amy, Stop!” They laugh.

“Do you want to grab a coffee? I found a place near here and it’s quite charming,”

The place was a few blocks away from the studio. It was a 24-hour food place, that Beca didn’t know why, but there was something special about it, maybe it was because it reminded her of Barden, but of course, she would never say that out loud.

They ordered the usual black coffee for Beca and an Irish coffee for Amy, never too early for whiskey. They sat on what Beca called, ‘her table’ located on a corner to keep her intimacy and avoiding the loud people.

“So, tell me,” she started, “how are the Bellas?”

“They are doing great, except Lilly,” her face changed, “I have no fucking clue what the fuck she’s doing, weirdest days of my life,”

She started to explain her journey. CR got into the economics major after college and now she was working in Washington, living with her girlfriend Marina. And telling Beca how she wasn’t sure Ashley and Jessica being a couple because they got into a curse about events organization or something like that and they were living together.

“Ames, we are living together and we’re not a couple,” explained Beca.

“Just because I don’t want to,” Amy ignored Beca’s explanation and just keep telling her about the journey.

Beca laughed. She would never say it out loud, but having her back was nice, at least it made her laugh and forget about all around.

Amy told Beca how the Bellas, now led by Legacy was doing good, but they would never be s good as the old Bellas, aka them.

“God, I still can’t believe you visited Emily alone,” Beca ran her hand through her hair, “Promise me she is alive and healthy,”

“I couldn’t actually,” she said, “I would have killed her many times. How can someone be so stupid?” she covered her face and a manner to control her rage.

“Come on, Amy! She’s just young! You were worse your sophomore year,” Beca laughed and took a sip of her coffee.

“No, I was not!” she argued.

“Yes, you were! Do I have to remind you that time you disappeared for 2 days?” she started, “or that time you drank 2 bottles of rum by yourself or that time-“

“Okay, that was enough,” Amy interrupted her, “and so you know, the rum bottles were because I didn’t want you girls to be hungover,” she lied.

“Sure, Jan,” Beca said while rolling her eyes.

They burst into a laugh. For the first time in a while, it felt easier to breathe for Beca, until the question.

“How is Chloe doing?” it was still hard to say that word out loud.

“What?” Amy asked trying to win more time, “oh, she’s doing great,” there was something in her, Beca didn’t know if it was her voice or her face that didn’t seem sincere.

“But?”

“But what?”

“Just tell me what’s going on,” Beca raised her eyebrow.

“It’s nothing, Beca, it’s oka-“ Amy tried to change the topic of the conversation.

“Just tell me!” Beca said again, a little bit louder at that time.

“She’s seeing someone,” Amy couldn’t look up.

“Oh,” Beca froze. Of all the things that ran through her head, Chloe dating again wasn’t one of them.

Beca shook her head trying to tidy the information in her head.

“It’s okay, it’s good she’s doing great,” Beca cleared her throat, even though the knot didn’t disappear.

“Beca,” Amy looked up, “I’m so sorry, I-“

“It’s okay, Ames,” she faked her smile, “I’m really happy for her,”

“Beca, maybe it’s time for you to start dating too,”

Beca avoiding the gaze was never a good sign.

“I have many things to do before the meeting I have this afternoon, but I’ll see you home,”

Beca was gone before Amy could say anything else.

Beca knew she had no right to be upset, cause, after all, it had been all her fault and Chloe had all the right in the world to keep living her life, to date and find love again, but somehow it made it all real, the moment when Beca realized that she had been replaced and they would never be together again.

Maybe Beca shouldn’t have asked, maybe not knowing would have been better. She changed her way to get to the studios so she could have some time to herself, some time to assimilate those new feelings that didn’t let her breath.

* * *

**_You were the light for me to find my truth I just wanna say, thank you_ **

****

April 2015

Beca thought her month couldn’t get any worse, but she wasn’t right, of course, it could. 

At least things with Chloe were back to normal. After their first fight as more than friends, she was afraid of losing one of the most important people of her life.

When some weeks later her boss told her she maybe didn’t have the talent she needed to make it into the production world, her life went down.

There was a knock on the door of the room she shared with Amy. Beca dried her tears away and cleared her throat.

“Come in,”

“Hey, Becs,” she felt relieved it was her, as she heard the steps climbing up the stairs.

Beca was pretending she was working with her computer, her eyes never leaving the screen to look at the older woman.

“It’s everything okay, Becs?” Of course, Chloe already knew there was something wrong, but she also knew Beca good enough to not force her.

“It’s good,” Beca said her eyes still fixed on the screen, “How was your day?”

“Bec, look at me,” Chloe said approaching her and sitting on the bed.

She caressed Beca’s check before cupping in in her hand making her look at Chloe.

Beca’s eyes were red from crying and the knot in her throat made it hard for her to speak more than 3 words.

“You know you can tell me anything,” Chloe said while tears were building up in Beca’s eyes again until one fell down her skin.

Chloe moved next to her and moved one hand around her back and with the other hand, she was stroking Beca’s hair.

“It’s going to be okay, hon, I’m here,” she kept repeating.

Chloe could feel Beca’s tears down her neck, and how it was getting harder for Beca to breathe.

Every once and then, Chloe would kiss the younger girl’s forehead, which seemed to help her.

Twenty minutes later, Beca looked to be better. She wasn’t crying anymore, now she was just relaxed, monitoring her breathing lost in the comfort of Chloe’s neck.

“Are you feeling any better now?” Chloe said softly.

A simple nod was enough for Chloe to keep asking.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“It’s just,” Beca sniffed, “what if I’m not good enough?”

“What are you talking about?” Chloe whispered as she shook her head.

Beca was almost perfect in every aspect Chloe knew. At least for her.

“I showed my boss some mixes I did,” tears were back in her eyes, “he said I had nothing special, that anyone could do that,”

She got close to Chloe, looking for the comfort only the other girl could give her.

“What if I’m lying to myself and I’m just losing time? Maybe this is not what I’m meant to be, maybe I’m not good enough,” Beca sobbed.

It was hard for Chloe to hold back her tears. It broke her heart seeing Beca like that, and she could only wish all the pain Beca was feeling it was hers.

“Becs, look at me,” Chloe demanded, but Beca wasn’t used to be shown like that and couldn’t look up.

“Beca, please, look at me,” Chloe cupped Beca’s cheek, finally connecting their eyes, “You’re the most talented person I’ve ever known, and trust me, I’m probably one of the people who know you best,”

Beca could feel herself relaxing in Chloe’s hands, there was something about her that could seep through her walls and make her feel like everything was fine just because Chloe was by her side.

“Just because you showed your boss something he wasn’t looking for, it doesn’t mean you don’t have the talent or that you have to stop working for your dreams, it just means that you have to show him your talent in some other way,”

“Yeah, but,” Beca started, but Chloe didn’t let her finish.

“When I look at you, I can see how lucky I am to have you in my life, but I also think about the moment you can release your own music and how lucky will be the whole world to be able to enjoy your talent,”

Chloe always got emotional talking about Beca. She had loved Beca for so long, and now being able to feel this way and having the love back sometimes was overwhelming.

“Chlo, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you,” Chloe realized she was crying the moment Beca ran her finger over her cheekbone.

“I’m okay, Becs,” she smiled while she shook her head, “I’m just,” she cleared her throat, “I’m so proud of you that sometimes I wished you could see yourself through my eyes,”

Now it was Beca who was holding Chloe’s face in her hands, their foreheads relying on each other. She moved the red hair behind the older girl’s ear, and she could only let out the world the knot in her throat let her.

“I love you so much,” Beca whispered just before leaning in and closing the gap between them.

Even though it wasn’t their first kiss, not even the hundredth, it felt as new and exciting as their first one. Every time Beca would kiss Chloe, she could feel her heart echoing in her chest and as if the air in the room was gone. As if there were more problems in her life because sometimes it felt she just needed Chloe by her side for everything to work out because together they were invincible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew you wanted Chloe, and right now all I can give you is past Chloe.  
> Present Chloe will appear soon I hope!
> 
> Let me know if the timeline is confusing si I'll try to change the story a little bit.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Leaving to find my soul_ ** **_  
Told her I had to go  
And I know it ain't pretty  
When our hearts get broke_ **

****

**March 2017**

Beca was not a cuddle person. It just wasn’t her favorite activity, but after that day, she just wanted to escape and hide between Chloe arms, where everything used to be okay, and where she could find her peace.

At the same time, she was walking around the streets, avoiding going to their home, on the outskirts of Queens, where they were sharing with Stacie and Amy. 

****

It was still cold in New York, and it was getting late to walk around with no concrete direction. What would she tell Chloe?

The offer was echoing in her head, and thinking about making the decision, made her want to cry and disappear. Did she do the right thing? Deep down, she knew she did.

The streets to her house were endless, she usually found peace on her way home, walking down those (most of the time) quiet streets.

She had been repeating the words she would tell Chloe, even though she knew when she stood in front of the other girl she would break down because for once she knew her way, and that meant being selfish with the one person she loved the most.

She took a deep breath before knocking the door twice. It was late and Chloe would probably be sleeping or reading in her bed waiting for Beca and the younger girl didn’t know what she would have preferred.

“Come in,” she could hear at the other side of the door.

Beca took a deep breath and opened the door and the scene she had imagined was in front of her. Chloe laying in her bed, reading her new book and waiting for Beca to get home.

“Hey, hon, it’s late today,” Chloe closed her book and left some space on her bed so Beca could sit, “how was your day?” she said jus before leaning and giving a quick peck on Beca’s lips.

“I’m good, but I’m so tired,” she lied, and she laid next to Chloe, head on her chest. Talking about it now wasn’t the best option. Beca always hated talking about those things at night.

“And?” Chloe’s tone was intimidating.

“And what?” Beca sat up again to look at her girlfriend.

“Come on, Beca, I know you more than anyone,” Chloe raised her eyebrow, “and there’s something you’re not telling me, do you want to talk about it?” she cupped her cheek and Beca held Chloe’s hand.

Beca sometimes didn’t understand how Chloe, with just a look, could read her so perfectly, as if Chloe was inside her head.

“Okay,” she sighed, “I got promoted,” Those three words, once were so exciting, but now they were just scary.

“Oh my God, Beca!” Chloe jumped out of her bed to land on top of Beca, hugging her and kissing her passionately.

“I told you, you are the most talented person I knew,” Chloe said in between kisses, “I’m so proud of you,”

Chloe’s kisses traveled from their mouths, down Beca’s jawline until they got to the neck, Beca’s weakness.

Beca’s gaps only made Chloe kiss and suck harder Beca’s pulse point, enough to tease Beca, but not to leave a mark on her skin.

“Stacie is going to kill us again,” Chloe laugh just before kissing back her girlfriend’s lips, hands under her shirt, “I can’t wait to live with you, alone,” she mumbled, ready to explore again Beca’s body, to make her enjoy, to make her hers again.

Beca was lost in Chloe’s arms. Feeling the soft kisses against her lips made her travel somewhere else. Every inch Chloe touched, left a trail of goosebumps in Beca’s skin, chills down her spine.

Beca wished she could stay like that forever, lost in those arms, feeling like she was in paradise, but she had to talk to Chloe, she needed it.

“Chlo, wait,” Beca sat up, Chloe still straddling her, playing with her earlobe.

“Chlo, I-“ another gasp escaped her mouth. When Beca was able to open her eyes again, she found Chloe’s face, close, looking at her with pride.

“Chlo I got promoted,” she said again.

“Yeah, I heard you the first time,” Chloe interrupted leaning again to kiss her girlfriend.

“in Los Angeles,” her voice cracked, “I’m leaving in two weeks,”

Chloe froze and stood back, sitting on her bed, trying to digest the bomb Beca just released.

“Oh, wow,” Chloe ran her hand through her hair, her gaze lost.

“Chlo, I just-“ Tears were in her eyes, did she do the right thing?

“Did you already take it?” Chloe mumbled. The knot in her throat was growing up at any word she could say.

“Something in me told me I had to take it, it was one time-life chance, I-“ Beca knew to excuse herself wasn’t going to help at the moment, but she needed to feel she didn’t blow up their relationship, that it wasn’t her fault.

“Did you, Beca?” Chloe could only whisper.

“Yes,” was all Beca could say before breaking down.

Chloe’s heart broke at that moment, but not because her love was moving to the other side of the country, but for not thinking about her when she decided.

They had been together for about three years, and they had been best friends for more than six years, and Beca didn’t even think about her for such a big decision.

But she wouldn’t say that out loud, not when Beca was sobbing in front of her feeling guilty enough.

“Hey, Becs, it’s okay hon,” Chloe hugged her, “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered in her ear while she stroked the younger woman’s hair.

“But you-, I” Beca mumbled, scared on even thinking that question.

“We’ll figure something out,” Chloe relaxed the other girl, “I love you, Beca, I know it’s going to be okay for us,” she landed a soft kiss on Beca’s lips.

“I love you, too,” Beca sobbed, holding her close.

“Can I stay here tonight? Please,” Even though Beca’s room was at the end of the hall, she needed to feel Chloe next to her, she needed her safe place.

“Sure, babe,” the room was small, but the bed was enough for them to fit perfectly.

Beca’s head was on Chloe’s chest, her arms around the older woman, holding her close, feeling her close, feeling like the moment Beca would release her, she would lose her forever.  
  


The room went silent when Beca fell asleep. Her deep breaths were echoing the room, and Chloe didn’t seem to be enough to calm her anxiety down, but after an hour of Chloe brushing her cheekbone and stroking her head, finely helped the younger woman’s fall asleep.

Chloe couldn’t get that out of her head. In two weeks Beca would be gone, and Chloe knew they could make that work through the distance, she knew their love was stronger and she knew that right now she had her life in New York, but when she had her chance, she would move to Los Angeles with her.

But thinking how Beca had no minimum doubt when it came to choosing her future, their future, it made her wonder if Beca imagined her in her future.

She tried to shake her head, tried to make those thoughts go away, but it was too late.

Chloe covered her mouth with her free hand to cover her silent sobs so she wouldn’t wake Beca up.

* * *

The next two weeks flew by. The production studio was in charge of the move. They had assigned an apartment for Beca for 2 months, so she wouldn’t have to look for her own until she was settled.

They spent the time making boxes and trying to spend as much time together as they could because they didn’t know when they would see each other again, but it felt bittersweet for Chloe.

The cuddles, when they slept together, and even the sex, in the back of Chloe’s head, was replaying the thought of Beca not having her in her future, and it hurt every second.

Her heart broke completely the last day. Beca said goodbye to Amy and Stacie. Beca promised she would be back soon, to visit them, and of course, to see Chloe as soon as she could.

Chloe was the one who took her to the airport. Her bags were bigger than her, and Chloe could only smile of tenderness at that scene.

The ride was fast and silent. They were just holding hands, not sure at what to say, walking slowly through the airport, as if they could avoid the goodbye.

“This is where you go alone, Becs” Chloe took a deep breath and stood in front of the younger girl, never letting her hand go.

“Wait, Chlo,” Beca’s voice was trembling, “I don’t think I should go, I-“ the nervousness was expanding inside Beca’s body. Her hands were shaking, and it was getting hard to breathe.

“Becs, look at me,” Chloe knew Beca too much, “You are going to take that plane, and blow it in LA, because you are the most talented person I know, and you were born for this, this is your dream,”

Chloe had always been one of the most important people in Beca’s life, the one who was there and the only one who knew what Beca needed at any moment.

“I don’t think I can do this without you,” her voice cracked, and even though Beca hated showing her feelings in public, it was impossible not bursting into tears, “please, come with me,”

“I can’t,” Chloe tried her hardest trying not to cry, but after Beca’s words, it felt like a sword piercing her heart. It was harder to breathe, because every time she tried, it hurt more.

“I can’t leave you, I-“ Her own sobs interrupted her, it was all a big mistake, she shouldn’t have accepted that offer, not if Chloe couldn’t go with her, she was too important.

“Becs, listen to me,” Chloe held Beca’s face in between her arms, softly after drying the tears that were soaking her face, “breath with me, okay?”

As the moment Beca slightly nodded, Chloe took a deep breath, “Becs, inhale and exhale with me,” that always helped when one of them was having an anxiety attack like that one.

“I love you so much,” it was all Beca could say,

“I love you too, Becs,”

Chloe leaned to kiss for the last time her girlfriend. They could taste the tears, the regrets, their fights and reconciliations, the respect and all the love they felt in their hearts.

“I’ll come to visit you as soon as I can, you won’t even notice we’ve been apart,” Chloe claimed, “Please, call me when you land and tell me all about your new apartment,” she smiled, that smile that could light up the whole world, and the one sometimes she used to pretend everything was fine.

“Are you feeling better?

Beca nodded even though her eyes were red from the tears that couldn’t stop coming out. 

“Come here,” Chloe wrapped her arms around the younger girl, feeling how Beca relaxed in between her arms, her face hiding and occasionally sniffing into Chloe’s neck.

“I’m so proud of you and I love you so much,” Chloe whispered to feel Beca’s arms keeping her close. They could stay like that forever, feeling peace into each other.

“Okay, time to go now,” Chloe said just before kissing all around Beca’s face.

A shy ‘thank you’ and ‘I love you’ came out of Beca’s mouth before turning around heading to her door while Chloe was just standing, holding back her tears as her love moved to the other side of the country.

It would be several hard months, she didn’t want to think about years of dealing with a distance relationship, but Chloe was sure they could get through it, could they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again! Thanks for being here! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> I don't know when I'll be able to update again, from now on I don't think I will be able to update as often as I have been.  
> I still don't know how many chapters it will have but I assure you that they all will come out eventually.  
> Sorry for the mistakes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again! It's been a hard one to write. After all this time, words were hard to come out, but I hope you like it!!  
> Sorry for any mistake you can find.

**_Too young to feel this old_ ** **_  
Watching us both turn cold  
Oh, I know it ain't pretty  
When two hearts get broke  
Yeah, I know it ain't pretty  
When two hearts get broke_ **

****

**March-April 2017**

The distance was hard. More than they could have imagined. They tried to make it easy, and it looked like that for the first two weeks.

They called each other every day, sometimes twice a day. Chloe would tell her about her part-time job, while she was saving some money to visit Beca and paying the inscription to that important art academy she just got in, in Brooklyn.

Beca, on the other hand, would tell her about how was trying to get used to the LA lifestyle, discovering new things, mostly the first week before starting on the new studio. She told Chloe about that 24-hour food place she found not far away from her new workplace.

They would talk about the good things, but it was hard holding back their tears once they hung up.

Chloe wouldn’t tell Chloe how much she missed her, and how she felt when she heard ‘Titanium’ on the radio when she was walking around Central Park and reminded the first date they had there, and how they got lost on that huge park.

But Chloe had Stacie next to her, and sometimes Amy, and even though she didn’t have her girlfriend, having her friends around was making that a little bit easier. They were always up for a movie or a drink.

Beca did the same, she wouldn’t tell Chloe how hard it was to get used to LA. It had been always her dream, but once there it felt worse than she thought. She couldn’t walk more than a street without wanting to send a picture of anything that could make Chloe smile.

She felt lonely. And those free days the studio gave her so she could set up, were getting unbearable. She had no friends, and she couldn’t just rest on her flat without having an anxiety attack, so the best option was walking around LA trying to clear her head.

The worst part was at night. Although they had their individual room, they slept together almost every night. They slept together almost every night for more than three years, and now feeling an empty space next to them and knowing that the only person they needed around was at the other side of the country.

Somehow, once Beca started the new job, things got harder. Their schedules were distinct, and the time difference made it impossible to call each other some days.

Beca used to work until late night and Chloe would be already asleep because she would work early in the morning. And some Fridays when Beca would be home early, Chloe would be out with Stacie and Amy or her workmates.

Beca never thought she could feel insecure around Chloe, and she never felt like that, but she was feeling it about their relationship, but not because they wouldn’t love each other, because they did, even more than their own.

Beca thought they were invincible, and they were trying to be, but the distance was getting harder as time passed.

* * *

It was almost time to leave, another Thursday done, her second Thursday working on the studio, third in LA. Some days it was better to spend more time at the studio rather than at home. She didn’t want to be alone.

Someone knocked on her door. By the time, Beca supposed it was Karen, her assistant letting her know she was already leaving.

“Come in,” she said.

“Hey, Beca, I’ll be leaving soon,” her assistant said, “but before I go, someone is asking for you, should I tell her to come in?”

“What?” Beca frowned, who could it be? The only people she talked about her time in the city were her coworkers and the waitress to the 24-hour coffee where she used to go every day.

“Sure, tell her to come in,” she shook her head, “I’ll see you tomorrow, thank you,”

Beca’s gaze was lost while she was trying to guess what could it be. Chloe’s face crossed her mind as the knot in her throat grew a little. She missed her so much and she would give anything just to be with her at the time.

“Is this a bad time?” she knew that voice, it was her favorite voice in the world. She looked up, afraid for it to be just a dream, but there they were her favorite blue eyes.

“What-“ she couldn’t even form a sentence she just stood up and rounded the table to land on Chloe’s arms which were waiting for her.

She almost forgot what Chloe’s hugs were like, but Beca was pretty sure heaven must be like that.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Beca whispered in Chloe’s ear, enough for her to hear. Chloe held her tight and broke up the hug to settle her lips on Beca’s.

Chills were traveling down their spines, it felt like the first one. When they were together, they felt unbeatable, because when she was with Chloe, she felt like she could do anything.

“Are you busy? Is this a bad time?” Chloe repeated when they separated from the kiss.

“No, I-“ Beca cleared her throat, “we can leave if you want, I just need to save this work and I’ll be free to leave,” Beca ran again behind her table to save the demo she was working on and closing her computer.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” Chloe said still standing next to the door.

“Keep it in your pants, Beale,” Beca raised her eyebrow and teased her girlfriend.

“Just for now,” Chloe teased back.

* * *

“Is it too early to have dinner? I’m starving,” Beca said after her stomach roared. They had been walking around the city for more than forty-five minutes.

“In New York, it’s like three hours more, it’s-“ Chloe checked her phone, “almost 10 pm, I’m starving too,” she continued as she held her girlfriend’s hand tighter.

“Any preference in mind?”

“Mmm,” she hesitated, “Are you in the menu?” she teased. She missed making her girlfriend blush.

Beca could only burst out in laughter, “you really missed me,” she blinked.

Chloe landed a kiss on Beca’s temple. She could feel the other girl relax at the touch.

“What about a hamburger? I would say an Italian, but I know you and I supposed you’ve been eating mac and cheese almost all week, am I right?” she raised an eyebrow.

Beca blushed again as she mumbled something not even Chloe could fully understand.

“What was that?” Chloe teased again.

“Maybe,” She whispered that time.

“A little louder for the people in the back?” Chloe laughed at the statement of her girlfriend.

“Okay, enough teasing,” Beca smiled at Chloe’s laugh. She could never get tired at that sound.

* * *

“I probably shouldn’t be asking this, but what are you doing here?” Beca asked once they sat down on that vegan burger bar. “Not that I complain,” she clarified and took a sip of her beer.

“I’m starting the art academy next week and I will have less time than I thought,” something in Chloe’s face changed but she tried to manage like it was fine.

“After I go on Sunday, I don’t know when I will be able to come again to see you,” she managed to smile.

“I will come to New York as soon as work gets a little bit lighter,” Beca assured. She moved her hand across the table to hold Chloe’s hand and give her a reassuring smile.

“Plus, you’re here now and I don’t want to think about any other thing while you’re with me,” she kissed the top of Chloe’s hand.

Chloe’s smile widened. “Look at you, my cheesy aca-dork, what did LA do to you?”

“Shut up, Beale, I’m not cheesy,” they laughed. “Are you excited to start?”

“Yes, I am, but I’m nervous too I’ve never done like that and I don’t know if I’ll be good enough,” she lowered her gaze.

“What are you talking about? You’re the best singer I know, and don’t let me talk about your dance moves,” There was truth on her words, but also tease which Chloe notice and smiled.

“I do sing and dance, but my painting and drawings don’t know if there will be good to be in that academy,” she paused “or the art history, I don’t really know much about it,”  
  


“But that’s why you go there, so they’ll teach you,” she encouraged, “no one is born learned.

“You are,” she looked up at her girlfriend.

“I wish I had just half as the talent you have,” she brushed her thumb against Chloe’s hand, “You are made for this, and you have the talent it takes to do anything you want,” she opened her eyes when she realized how that sounded, “God, I’m so cheesy,” she covered her blushed face.

“Yes, you are,” Chloe laughed, “Buy you are also so supportive and I thank you for that,” the smile that formed on Beca’s face could light up the room, and at least lighted up Chloe’s heart.

“How are Amy and Stacie?” she changed the subject, “I haven’t talked to them as much as I would like,” she lowered her gaze.

Beca and Stacie texted each on their cigarette break. After a rough day, back in New York, they used to hide from Chloe and smoke on the rooftop, talking about their problems or worries. It was easy talking to her, and now cigarette time wasn’t the same without her, so they texted every time they needed to talk.

Beca was afraid that will happen the same to their relationship. They would start with no skypes, then no phone calls and at the end vaguely text messages whenever they could. It was hard keeping touch with her ex flatmates, different schedules and everybody, in the end, had their own life. Of course, they texted, but not enough.

“Stacie is fine, we will be moving together for a while until things settle a little,” she smiled. She wasn’t ready to separate from all the Bellas, she couldn’t be apart from her entire family.

“She will be closer to Tyler and college and I’ll be closer to the academy, we’ll be fine,” she continued.

“She tells me about Tyler sometimes, he seems nice for her,” Stacie didn’t exactly make _good choices_ with her previous hook-ups. She tried not to get involved emotionally because she was like Beca when it came to feelings: it was better not having them, but Beca met Chloe and that changed. She was happy to see her friend happening the same with a good guy.

“What about Amy?” she frowned her brow.

“Have you talked to her?”

“Oh, God,” Beca ran her hand through her hair, “what has she done?”

“She will be moving to Los Angeles in a few weeks, apparently her show isn’t _going well_ ” Chloe shook her head. “She says that in Los Angeles, the producers will recognize her talent,”

“God, I guess I’ll have to call her to see what is she up to,” they laughed.

They walked home after dinner. It wasn’t a long way, so they preferred strolling down those famous, and at that time quiet streets, holding hands and kissing every now and then, but it was getting late and the time difference was starting to weigh on Chloe.

“I’ll show you around, even though there’s not much to show,” she joked once they entered the apartment.

Beca’s apartment wasn’t much, enough to spend those two months the studio offered. It was an only room studio, with an open concept. It wasn’t even decorated, but at least on the 15th floor and you could see the city.

“This is the living room and kitchen,” she started pointed right and left,

“I really like that sculpture you have over there,” Chloe pointed the corner of the living room where Beca had five boxes stacked.

“You do?” Beca wrapped Chloe’s waist and moved her hair to the side to kiss her neck, “It’s called the move 2.0,” she joked.

Chloe shook a little at the touch. It had been so long since she felt like that, the comfort on those arms around her, the smell that made her feel like home, her heart beating faster every time her love was around. How lucky she was to find what she thought it would be the person she would spend the rest of her life with.

“Come on, I’ll give you a toothbrush and let’s go to sleep because you must be exhausted,” Beca gave her a last kiss and broke the hug.

“Did you get me a toothbrush? When?” she asked, “we’ve been together since I got here, did Amy tell you I was coming?”

“She didn’t,” She looked at Chloe who was looking at her confused, “You always forget your toothbrush when you travel, so I brought you one for the time you would come,”

Chloe’s heart felt like it jumped. It was just a little detail, but for her, it meant the world. The way Beca had her in her mind in those little domestic details melted her.

“Thank you so much,” Chloe said in between kisses, the magnet between them was hard to ignore when they were around each other, the urge to touch their hands, their lips.

When they got to bed, it was like time hadn’t past and they hadn’t been apart. It was like their bodies knew how to find the comfort and cuddle in each other’s arms, random kisses, and holding hands, the only thing they needed.

* * *

Chloe woke up the next morning, she turned around but Beca was already gone. How could she miss the other girl’s alarm? She got up in case Beca was still around and when she approached the door, she could see a weak light and a coffee smell coming from the kitchen.

“Do you really need to go?” Chloe said while making her way next to Beca who was making coffee.

“I’ll be home soon enough for us to have lunch somewhere,” Chloe wrapped her arms around her waist and started kissing Beca’s neck and collarbone, slowly and Beca was unable to focus anymore.

“Why don’t you,” she said in between kisses, “come back to bed for a while,” Beca’s gasps echoed the room. Chloe knew the power she had on the younger woman and she was glad that power didn’t decrease over the years.

Chloe’s fingers were leaving goosebumps on her way down Beca’s arm and her wet kisses were moving closer to Beca’s mouth, teasing and building up the needs of her girlfriend.

When Beca was able to turn around smashed her lips against Chloe’s, kissing her deeply, full of lust. “I wish I could stay with you, but I promise I’ll make it up to you,” Beca whispered against Chloe’s lips while she made Chloe walk backward, slowly while their eyes were connected like if they were the only thing left in the world until her back touched the kitchen island.

“But I still have ten minutes,” Beca’s voice was raspy and she could see Chloe’s eyes full of lust, maybe as full as her own.

She turned her girlfriend around and ran one hand under the large t-shirt Chloe was wearing, cupping her breast, playing and stimulating the sensitive skin and kissing the back of her neck, traveling up to her ear.

Chloe’s gasps and moves at the touch only encouraged Beca to do it more, to make her enjoy. She could feel Beca’s warm breath against her hair and ear before the younger woman captured her ear with her teeth, biting and licking slowly, cautiously to hurt Chloe.

Beca’s other hand made her way down her underwear, she wanted to feel her more, to feel her closer. She released the ear and found the pulse point and she started with soft kisses which evolved to open-mouthed kisses to sucking and biting it, not afraid of leaving a mark on the soft skin.

“Fuck,” she gasped at the touch after her hand made it through the underwear, touching, wanting the feeling to last forever.

It had passed time, but it felt like a perfect routine, she knew when and where to touch Chloe to make her feel and make her enjoy as much as she was enjoying.

Moans and gasps escaped their mouths, not afraid of waking up anybody like on their old flat in New York, now there were just them, living the life she would have lived if Beca could have stayed in New York, ready to move to their new flat as a couple, just the two of them, living their relationship, their intimacy, and their domesticity.

“When I came back from work, I’ll be all yours, I promise,” Beca whispered against Chloe’s lips, with all the good intention she had in her heart, wanting to enjoy that paradise as long as it lasted.

But it didn’t. It was weekend and Beca wasn’t supposed to work, she was supposed to be enjoying her time with Chloe, doing anything but work. But she was new in the studio, the rookie and she was the one in charge to fix any problem, demos unfinished needed the next day, problems in the mixes…

They called her four times and she needed to go to the studio once. Chloe said she was okay with it, that this was her life now and she supported her no matter what, plus she would be able to visit again the workplace of her girlfriend.

But Beca couldn’t pretend everything was okay. She felt she was wasting her time with Chloe, and with all the work she had, she didn’t know when she will be able to go to New York and see Chloe again.

Their way to the airport on Sunday wasn’t any better. They couldn’t enjoy the day because Chloe had her flight mid-morning. After all, it would take around 8 hours to get home and she needed to wake up early the next morning.

They agreed not tearing up that time, but before getting to the control they already had knots on their throat and tears were building on their eyes. It was after their first goodbye hug when the tears came out down their cheeks.

“Let me know when you get home,” Beca said in between kisses, “I love you so much,” she continued connecting their blue eyes,

“I’ll text you as soon as land,” she dried her tears, “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

They leaned for their last kiss, which the tears that were streaming down again their faces.

She loved that woman so much, but love isn’t supposed to hurt, not like that. Beca would do anything for Chloe. She would have her heartbroken every day if that meant Chloe would be happy, buy seeing her like that, feeling her girlfriend’s pain on her own chest, made it everything worst.

She got one of the worst messages she could get. It was from Stacie, late to be from the east coast.

_Stacie: How are you? Chloe just got home._

_Beca: She texted me an hour ago she was on the uber home, is she okay?_

_Stacie: She’s been crying since she got here, that’s why I asked you how you were._

_Stacie: Sorry, I shouldn’t have told you about Chloe._

_Beca: No, thank you for telling me, should I call her now?_

_Stacie: Maybe it’s better if you call her tomorrow._

_Stacie: When everything cools off._

A sob came out of Beca’s mouth while reading those texts. She couldn’t handle being the reason Chloe was crying, and she couldn’t handle being away and not being able to help. She was living her dream, but at what cost?

The next weeks flew by. Beca was more integrated and she was having more responsibilities at work, but that meant less time for Chloe.

They texted every day, but calls were less frequent as time passed by. The tired voice when she called Chloe sometimes when she got out of work, days were Chloe kept herself awake just to hear Beca’s voice. Despite the attempt to hide the sadness and tiredness on her voice, Beca knew her better, and she knew once they hung up, they would cry to sleep and that’s not how she wanted Chloe nor her to live, they deserved better than that.

She was doing it for them, for Chloe, for their relationship, for the memories, for their future, together or not.

_Beca: We need to talk._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next one will be shorter, so I hope I can update soon! Thank you again for your support and I hope you have a nice day!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again! Thanks for being here!! I hope you like it and sorry for any mistake you may find.

**_Three years of ups and downs_ ** **_  
Nothing to show for it now  
And I know it ain't pretty when the fire burns out_ **

****

They had been together for three years, and to be honest, they had more ups than downs, because they were practically perfect for each other. Chloe knew how to read Beca as a friend, and she indeed needed some time to learn to read her as a girlfriend, but at the end of the day, she was the person who knew Beca the best.

Beca on the other hand, matured next to Chloe. She knew what Chloe needed and she learned to handle her feelings because the only thing she wanted was Chloe’s happiness.

**31 December 2013- 1 January 2014**

It was the first New Year the Bellas spent together. They would party at the Bella house and then they would go to the Trebles who were having another aca-party. Who were they to miss an aca-party.

“I get to kiss you all tonight,” Chloe said while she was putting her mascara on while sitting in the living room of the Bella house.

“Wait, what?” Beca stopped and focused on the words her friend just said.

“Yeah, it’s New Year’s Eve,” she clarified, but when she turned her eyes to Beca and saw her with her eyebrow up waiting for more information, she continued, “you have to kiss your loved ones to have a year with them,”

“What? Dude, no,” she shook her head.

“Come on, Becs, it’s just a peck on your lips,” she teased looking at the reaction of her best friend. “Unless you want a full kiss,” she winked as Beca blushed and the other Bellas were laughing at the situation.

“Bloe is real,” Amy shouted from the kitchen.

“Beca, you have a little of gay panic all over your face,” Stacie teased more.

“I hate you,” Beca groaned as she left the living room, which was worst because the rest of the girls laughed louder.

They had been teasing each other since the first day. Chloe had always been flirty, but after Beca’s break up with Jesse almost nine months ago, she had been kind of flirty too. She never thought her teasing with Chloe could be something real, but it was fun, it was a pastime.

But the countdown was almost done, and Beca thought Chloe was joking, that was supposed to be their game, but that time, it wasn’t.

She froze when she found her face in between Chloe’s hands, leaning until her lips met for the first time.

It was just a peck. But a peck that lasted forever and ephemeral, enough for them to feel a rush of energy traveling down their bodies. It was brief, and they didn’t even have much time, but something was different, that kiss was different.

They connected their eyes just after the kiss, trying to find what had happened, what changed. Like it was just the two of them.

Chloe let out a shy smile and turned to kiss the rest of the girls who were partying and cheering at the New Year. But Beca was just there, trying to understand what happened, why that kiss was so different at the others, why she felt like something was lighting up.

The rest of the night at the Bella house was as it used to be, playing drinking games before leaving, enjoying their time together, telling sex stories (especially Stacie) and hiding Amy’s drink because she usually had too much.

By the time they got to the party, they were already drunk, but that didn’t stop them from getting more drinks.

Chloe and Beca used to be a pack at those parties. They would dance together and save each other from annoying dudes, but that day, Chloe was nowhere to be found, and the alcohol wasn’t helping Beca with coping with those new feelings.

She went inside the house to get her 6th drink of the night when she saw her favorite redhead climbing up the stairs, alone. She tried to call her, but the music was too loud for Chloe to hear her, so Beca followed her to the first floor where Chloe entered the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

“Hey, Chlo,” she knocked the door, “it’s me, can I come in?” she asked.

The door opened and found those blue eyes, looking at her with a wide smile.

“Hey, Becs, I haven’t seen you all night,” she hugged Beca and entered the girl inside and closed the door behind them.

“Chlo, can I ask you something?” Beca’s gaze was lost on the floor of that bathroom needing answers, but at the same time, knowing that she could mess everything up, but she was drunk. Drunk enough to ask.

“Sure, you know there’re no secrets between us,” Chloe looked away from the mirror to wink at her best friend.

“Have you felt it too?” It came out as a whisper, but enough for Chloe to hear clearly.

The air in that room got thicker, harder to breathe. There was a pause, silence where Chloe didn’t know how to answer that question, because even though she was drunk too, she knew what she was playing with, the consequence of her answer.

“I-“ she turned around to face her friend. She thought she could lie so she wouldn’t mess that up, but when she met her eyes, she couldn’t. “Yes, I think so,”

“Beca, I-“ she ran her hands through her hair. Panic was starting to eat her alive. She would be lying if she said she hadn’t a crush on her friend because, since the first day they met on the activity fair, she felt attracted to Beca, but nothing was worth losing her.

Before she could say another word, Beca made her way to her, grabbed her face I between her hand and kissed her again.

Slowly at first, longer than that peck, enough to have that rush of energy again, now shared with chills down their spines, and an increase of their heart rate, better than before, more intense.

Chloe broke the kiss, and gasped, needing all the oxygen she forgot to breathe while she was kissing Beca. Her arms were relying on the sink behind her, afraid her legs would fail if she let it go.

Chloe could see how the expression on Beca’s face changed once she realized what had happened. Her eyes opened once she realized Chloe broke the kiss, first confused and then grew in disbelief once she realized what she did.

“Chlo, I-“ God she messed it up. She removed her hands away from Chloe’s face and ran her fingers through her hair, thinking something, trying to fix it.

But before Beca could say anything else, Chloe leaned in and closed the gap between them, hands around the younger girl’s waist and moving up to Beca’s back, pushing her closer, as is that feeling could extend.

Somewhere on their heads knew what they were doing was wrong. They were risking their friendship because the alcohol let the lust out and now, they could keep their hands off of each other.

But on the other hand, kissing each other felt right, it felt different than when they would kiss other people. Those chills were new, and their bodies so unknown, yet so familiar.

They didn’t know who deepened the kiss. It didn’t matter either. At that new touch and the aim to feel closer, occasional moans came out to die on each other’s mouths.

Someone knocked on the door and made Beca jump back, never leaving Chloe’s eyes.

“Hey, guys, are you here?” that familiar voice let the sigh they were holding out.

“Yeah, Stacie,” Chloe said making her way to the door and opening to face the tall girl.

“Are you okay?” Stacie raised her eyebrow when she sensed the weird situation.

“Yeah, she needed to pee,” Chloe cleared her throat, “We were already leaving, right, Becs?”

“Yeah, sure,” she shook her head and smiled at Stacie once Choe held her hand so she would pay attention to the conversation.

“We’ll see you downstairs,” Chloe announced, “Are you leaving already?”

“I think we’ll leave in about an hour, are you guys coming with us?” Stacie looked at the couple.

“Sure! Call us before you go,” she winked at Stacie before leaving the bathroom and making her way down the stairs, her hand never leaving Beca’s.

They got another drink and went to the living room, where some of the Bellas were dancing in that improvised dance floor.

Chloe and Beca were dancing facing each other, close like they used to dance every time they went to an aca-party like that, but that time the intentions had changed.

Chloe’s eyes never leaving Beca’s lips, controlling herself trying not to kiss her friend in front of everyone, as she had done a while ago.

Beca just wanted to go back to the bathroom and kiss her again. All the people there were an inconvenience because she knew that getting a little closer to Chloe would mean losing control and kissing her again, and that would mean a hundred photos and videos sent to the Bella’s group chat in the morning.

The way home was short. In the front there were Ashley, Jessica and Flo were betting about when would Amy come home because she was last seen sneaking out with Bumper. Followed by Stacie was telling CR about a guy she made out that night.

The last ones were Beca and Chloe, who were just holding hands, letting the night drag a little more, not ready for it to end.

“Will you sleep with me?”

“Are you sure?”

“Please,”

“Of course,”

The next morning the light that escaped through the shutters woke Beca up and when she opened her eyes, she felt the hangover from last night.

She took a deep breath and she focused. For a moment she forgot that wasn’t her room, and she realized Chloe’s head still relied on her chest.

She smiled for a moment remembering last night. She still could taste the kisses in the bathroom and the kisses in Chloe’s room once they got home after the party, how good and right it felt. But she wasn’t supposed to kiss Chloe, they were supposed to be friends, she didn’t have to mess everything up.

“Good morning,” that soft tone made Beca forget about all the worries, at least for a while. Should she apologize?

“Hey,” she smiled even though Chloe wasn’t looking at her.

“Have you slept well?” Chloe asked trying to look at Beca from the corner of her eye.

“Perfect, have you?” She rubbed Chloe’s back.

“Perfect,”

Beca didn’t know if she should say something about last night. It didn’t feel weird at that moment, but maybe it could be once they were up, but was Chloe the one who broke the silence again.

“Do you regret?” It was just a whisper, but enough for Beca to hear and made her heart stop a little.

What was she supposed to lie and say she did regret and probably hurt Chloe? Or was she supposed to tell the truth and face the situation she put them through?

“I don’t,” she said after a few seconds that felt forever for Chloe, who smiled to herself at the answer.

“Can-,” she hesitated and took a deep breath. “Can I kiss you again?”

That time Beca’s heart did stop. She wasn’t able to form words because she forgot how to breathe.

“Please,” that was all she could say after a few seconds.

At that moment, Chloe moved up and looked at her, connecting their blue eyes, a smile on their faces when Chloe closed the gap again.

That feeling was back and their hearts jumping. It just felt right, and even though they would have to make whatever that was work, they knew it would be worth it.

* * *

The rest of the Bellas found out about them two weeks after. Beca would sleep too many days in Chloe’s room and it was hard for them to keep their hands off of each other until it was too obvious, and Chloe kissed Beca in front of them.

* * *

**April 2015**

Chloe felt betrayed when she found out about the internship. They had been together for almost a year and a half and Beca could not tell her about the most important thing that was happening in her life.

Of course, she didn’t want to argue anymore in front of the Bellas and Aubrey, who were watching in disbelief that situation, but also because it was their first important fight as a couple and as friends, and it was new to them.

Chloe rubbed her eyes trying to find a temporal solution until they would be together alone, and the best thing that came to her mind was that scene from ‘how I met your mother’, a show she had seen with Beca many months ago.

“Pause?” Chloe said after a moment, “We’ll talk about it later,”

“Pause,” Beca sighed before Chloe turned around and left.

Chloe pretended to be fine, the rest of the day, but every time Beca was around, she could feel the tension and her heart jumped.

It wasn’t until the night, around the bonfire when they sat across each other, that Chloe started singing the song which Beca auditioned for the Bellas the first year, with nostalgic tears on their eyes, the couple sang, and the rest of the girls joined them.

It was getting late and the girls progressively left to the tent until Beca and Chloe were the only ones left around the campfire. Beca moved next to her girlfriend and placed the blanket around them and sitting close enough to get warm. But instead of the comfort she would always find next to Chloe, that way she only found hostility.

“Chlo, I-“ she ran her hand through her hair, she was too nervous to even think about what to say, “I should have told you and I’m so sorry,”

“Is because you don’t trust me enough?” Chloe snapped.

“What? Of course, I trust you, more than anyone,” her voice cracked a little.

“Then why didn’t you tell me you got an internship in that important studio?”

“I didn’t tell anyone, Amy found out on her own and I-“

“I’m not asking you that,” Chloe interrupted her. There was madness and sadness in her voice.

“I don’t know,” She whispered.

“Then let me know when you have an actual answer,” Chloe said and got ready to leave and go back to the tent.

“Chlo, please,” Beca begged. Tears were forming in her eyes and the knot in her throat was getting bigger.

“What do you want me to say, Beca?” Chloe looked at her. “That I’m not mad that you hid that from me for seven months? That I feel that you’re pushing me away?”

“Chlo, you know it’s not that,” Beca held Chloe’s hand to avoid that she would leave.

“Then what is it?” Her voice cracked and the tears came out of her eyes.

“Chloe, please,” Beca made her sit down again and dried the tears that were falling down her cheeks, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I didn’t want to disturb you because you were handling all the Bella’s stuff and I didn’t want to worry you more,”

“Do you really think I would choose an acapella group before any professional improvement you could make?” There was only sadness in her eyes, that situation was worse than she could have imagined.

  
“I would never-“ she hesitated, “I love you more than anything and I trust you more than my life, and I never meant to hurt you,” a sob came out of her mouth.

“We’ve been together for almost a year and a half, and I need you to trust me, Beca, or I don’t think I can do this with you,” Chloe whispered the last part as she pointed them. She loved Beca so much and the thought of a break-up killed her, but she needed to feel the couple they were.

“I wanted to tell you once I was important or someone in there, because I thought I would fit,” another sob came out, “but I’m just the coffee girl, there’s nothing important in that, and I wanted to tell you, but I also wanted to wait until you would be proud of me,”

“I am proud of you no matter what,” Chloe cupped Beca’s cheek with her hand, tears building upon her eyes, “but if you want this,” she pointed them, “us to work, I need you to trust me,”

“I am so sorry, Chlo,” her voice broke again and Beca covered her eyes while the tears were falling.

“Come here,” Chloe moved her arm around her back, moving her closer and hugging her. “I love you,” she whispered in her ear.

“I don’t want to lose you,” she mumbled against Chloe’s neck.

“You won’t,” Chloe held her closer.

* * *

**23 April 2017**

After Chloe’s visit, things cooled between them. They just didn’t have the time or the lifestyle and calling each other was getting harder as days passed by.

Beca loved Chloe more and more each day, and crying every time they called, living far away, and having that weird new life in Los Angeles, that she really loved, but feeling lonely every hour of the day except for the 10 minutes she could call her girlfriend was getting her down in her dumps.

She couldn’t be like that. She couldn’t handle Chloe’s sobs while she was away because she had a bad day or waking up Chloe in the middle of the night because she got out of the studio too late, or the tone of Chloe’s voice before they hung up when she said how much she loved and missed her.

Beca was still the rookie at the studio, and she had a lot of work to do, mixes, demos, meetings… The studio did a promotion and they presented her officially as the new producer. She wouldn’t be working alone for now, but she was hoping to be independent soon. She went to the studio early in the morning and got out late at night, too late to call Chloe, late to even send her a message.

Chloe moved with Stacie and when she wasn’t moving the boxes and organizing the flat, she was at school or working. She was busy all day so she wouldn’t think about the fact that Beca was away and the fact that she couldn’t meet her girlfriend for the next several months. But every night, she cried in silence on her bed until she fell asleep, wishing she wasn’t alone.

_Beca: We need to talk._

Chloe’s heart stopped when she read the text, seconds before a call from Beca appeared on the screen of her phone.

“Hey,” Chloe said, “it’s everything okay, Becs?”

The other line was silent, and the only thing Chloe could hear were light sniffs.

“Becs?” she repeated.

“Yeah, I’m here,” Chloe knew that tone, and her heart broke a little.

“Babe, what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Are you okay?”

“Chloe, I love you so much,” Beca tried to clear her throat.

“What happened, Beca?” Now she was starting to worry. She was afraid the day had come.

“Chlo, I-“ she stopped for a few seconds. She had all she wanted to say in her head, but hearing her girlfriend’s voice made her feel selfish because she would hurt her love more than ever.

But that kind of relationship wasn’t what it was. The distance was hard and it wasn’t fair for them. It wasn’t fair for their relationship, for their story.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she broke down as soon as the words came out of her mouth.

“No, Becs,” Chloe ran her hand through her hair as the tears built up in her eyes, “yes, we can, it’s just a little bit harder now,” she breathed out.

“You know this is not okay,” her voice cracked again.

“Becs, please, talk to me,” Chloe begged as tears ran down her cheeks.

“We can’t be like this, I don’t want to go to sleep knowing you’re probably crying because of me, I don’t want to live without knowing when I will see you again, I can’t be with you like that, because it’s not fair to us,” Beca was mad because she let that happen when she first moved to Los Angeles.

“Beca, don’t do this to me,” a sob escaped Chloe’s mouth, “You know I can’t come to talk to you now,”

“Chlo, I-“ She couldn’t keep talking with Chloe, it was just too much, “Please, I love you so much, but I can’t do this anymore,”

“If you really loved me you wouldn’t break up with me,” she was mad and desperate. She couldn’t imagine her life without Beca in it.

“We can’t pretend things haven’t changed, because they have,” she managed to say between tears, “I hope time will make you understand,” she whispered.

“Beca, don’t hang up on me,” she begged while the hole in her chest was getting bigger, “BECA!” she shouted before the line cut up.

Beca threw her phone away from her and let the held sobs to come out. She messed everything up. First, she left and now she broke Chloe’s heart. You aren’t supposed to hurt someone you love like that, but she knew things would get worse and she couldn’t let that happen.

Their relationship had always been more ups than downs. They were invincible when they were together, but they found their weakness once they were apart. They never thought they would go through that because they were Chloe and Beca.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late, things got harder at school and I don't think I will be able to post every week as I used, but I promise I will finish this story and I hope it'll be worth it!  
> I didn't mean to make this chapter this sad!! The happy ones are coming!  
> Thank you for the support and messages!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again!! Sorry that it took me so long! It's been long and hard to write but I hope you like it!  
> Sorry for the mistakes you can find.

**_Calling me when I'm drunk, remind me of what I've done_ ** **_  
And I know it ain't pretty when you're trying to move on, yeah_ **

****

**May-November 2017**

It’s been a hard couple of months. Beca’s been regretting her decision every day since the breakup. She had time to think, and she even though too much about that situation she couldn’t change, it was too late.

She felt selfish. She knew a part of her wanted to break up with Chloe because she didn’t want to feel guilty anymore about her new life in Los Angeles. It was that part of her that was fighting her own thoughts so she wouldn’t end up crying because she just lost the love of her life. After all, before the breakup, she didn’t even realize that, or did she?

Before moving to LA, the situation of leaving Chloe’s side never crossed her mind because she was happy, too happy that sometimes it just felt like a constant dream and it wasn’t until she fell on real life when she realized what was a life without Chloe in it.

The other part of her knew that she was meant to be with Chloe, but was Chloe meant to be with her? Or she was just wasting Chloe’s time to find her soulmate? But she loved Chloe too much to feel like she made her unhappy, that she didn’t deserve that situation. The insecurities ate Beca alive while being apart from Chloe. The anxiety every time was more common, and her sadness didn’t seem to leave soon.

‘It was for the best’, she tried to convince herself every night before letting her cry to sleep.

Amy brought a house in Malibu and moved there with Beca a week after her breakup with Chloe.

At first thought, Amy wouldn’t be the person you would choose to be around while you were going through a breakup, basically because Amy never was around, she was too focused in her life and her own thoughts that sometimes she just forgot she was surrounded by people.

But it looked like she left that part in New York. She was the friend Beca needed, someone to rely on, someone who would help her go through that hard moment.

She had lived with the couple for five years, know them for six, the same as Stacie and they had learned to handle them together and apart.

It was a hard summer. Beca would only leave the house to go to the studio, and she would usually be home late at night, when she didn’t want to face Amy or when she just wanted to be left alone.

It felt easier somehow.

Amy left when she thought Beca was doing better. And she was, or she thought so. Beca realized how much she needed Amy and the other Bellas when Amy sent her a picture with Flo, her first stop. It made her realize the loneliness and it felt like all she’s been fighting those past months, was back again.

* * *

We are told that ‘no two are the same’, that diversity makes who we are, but in real life, it’s never been that easy.

Chloe was a mess. She had art classes in the morning, work in the afternoon, and she was supposed to study because she had an exam every Tuesday, but she spent her nights crying instead, especially the first weeks after Beca left and after the breakup.

It’s hard trying not to compare yourself with people around, specifically when things are not going the way you’d like.

She had new friends at school, and it helped to clear herself up with the jokes and the funny stories they would tell, forget for a moment what was going on in her life.

But when they talked about important stuff, her heart broke a little, but not because she was jealous, she’s never been that way, but it made her remember what she didn’t have anymore.

It happened most of the time when she was around Jamie. He was her closest friend in class. They used to hang most of the time and sit together. He was funny and a nice guy and everything in her life (as far as Chloe knew) was all she could dream of. He lived with his girlfriend and he was thinking about proposing once they graduate next year, the exact same thing Chloe wanted to do with Beca before ending their relationship.

He also was so smart. He could learn in 10 minutes what Chloe would learn in 1 hour. For Chloe, the marks she could have weren’t important. She failed 3 years on purpose so she could be a Bella, to be next to Beca. She knew she could pass anything if she wanted to, but now everything was changing.

She wasn’t in the mood to study because her mind was far away from her body. Chloe needed time and it was the only thing she couldn’t buy.

She was happy to see the people she cared for and loved being happy and successful, but at the same time, reminded her what she used to have and now was gone.

Stacie was there every night when Chloe would get home tired and would cry to sleep, and Aubrey would call Chloe almost every night and would go to New York once every two weeks.

Chloe thought that going out with random dudes it would help her get through it, that she would forget Beca and be happy again, but it would only last a couple of hours, the drinks they would have and the sex after it.

Stacie and Aubrey were worried about her. They didn’t recognize her anymore. Sure, they could understand the pain she was feeling, but Chloe wouldn’t listen to them, because they couldn’t even imagine how hard that was for her.

That’s until she met Greg. It all started like any other hook up she was having, talking, having a drink together and going to Chloe’s flat.

But they kept talking, and he insisted to take her out to dinner and go out for a walk, and he was nice and made her evade a little about her life.

* * *

**December 2017**

Thank God Amy was back. It’s been a long three months by herself and in a way, it made her go back to the first month alone in Los Angeles.

But now Amy was back, and she was doing better, so there was no reason to feel sad, at least that’s what she thought until she had to ask for Chloe and Amy told her she was seeing somebody else.

Amy insisted that she should start dating too, to move on, but Beca didn’t want that.

There was some hope in her heart, that Chloe and she should be together, that after she was done with her year in New York, Chloe would move to Los Angeles and they would fix everything, and they would live happily ever after. But Chloe dating somebody else made her break down inside.

She wanted Chloe to be happy, but knowing that not that long ago was her who made her happy made her angry with herself, how could have been so stupid?

* * *

It was Friday 13th. Beca wasn’t suspicious, Chloe was, and every time a Friday 13th would come, Chloe would lose her mind. It was impossible not thinking about Chloe.

Beca had her second blind date of the month. The third since Amy was back, and there was nothing Beca could do to avoid that, she knew arguing with Amy would lead nowhere.

So there she was, on her way to the restaurant looking for a blonde girl with a blue scarf, which description reminded her of Aubrey, which wasn’t a good start.

Beca didn’t want to be there, in fact, she was late, hoping that the girl would already leave. She didn’t want to have another mess date like the other two, with that creepy guy that was a cousin of Amy’s latest hook up, or that girl who wouldn’t say more than 5 words in a row.

_Amy: Are you already there?_

_Beca: I’m on my way._

_Amy: You’re late._

_Beca: I got out late from work._

_Amy: I don’t care._

_Amy: Run before she leaves._

_Amy: I think you’ll like this one._

_Beca: Amy, I didn’t ask you for this._

_Amy: Anyway_

_Amy: You got a box._

_Amy: I left it in your room._

_Beca: ???_

_Amy: The mailman said something about a lost box._

_Beca: It must be the box I lost when I moved from New York._

_Beca: Thank you._

_Amy: Now, RUN._

_Beca: I’m here._

_Beca: Talk to you later._

_Beca: If you trick me again I SWEAR TO GOD_

She stood in front of the door of the fancy restaurant and groaned to herself. She hated having date-dinners with people in general, even more, if it was the first date. Would Amy kill her if she didn’t show up? Yeah, probably.

She took a deep breath and made her way to the table where the other girl was already sitting.

“You’re Jane, right?” She said as she approached the girl.

“Yes,” she smiled back, “you must be Beca, nice to meet you,” she said as she offered her hand.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Beca said as shaking her hand and taking the sit in front of her.

It had been a long week, and she was tired to pretend to be comfortable in that place, so she just let it out.

“Look, Jane,” she started, “I don’t want to be rude, but fancy restaurants and having blind diner-dates, it’s just not my style,”

“Yeah, not mine neither,” she smiled the other woman.

“It’s okay if we leave and go somewhere else and have a drink?”

Just after saying it, Beca regretted it. That sentence could be misunderstood in a sexual way and it wasn’t Beca’s intention. She just didn’t want it to be like a formal date, she didn’t want to be a date at all and if they just had a beer it may look like a friend’s meeting or something.

“So, how did you know Amy?” Beca started once they got to the bar.

“Amy never talked about me?” she asked and took a long sip of her beer, her eyes never leaving Beca.

“I don’t think so, actually,” she furrowed her forehead, there were many times lately when she just pretending to listen to her friend when all she wanted was to be left alone.

“I’m her dance teacher,” she smiled.

“You’re the one Amy had to teach her ‘mermaid dance’, aren’t you?” she let out a shy laugh.

“At least you knew that I existed,” she teased.

“Amy has been trying to make Fat Amy Winehouse work for two years now,” she rolled her eyes, “we told her to change her repertoire many times, that she needed to be original, but it’s Amy,”

“We?” she asked, "I thought Amy and you lived alone,”

“We do,” she cleared her throat trying to avoid the knot, “we lived together in New York, we moved here about eight months ago,”

“Why?”

There she was, the knot in her throat she was avoiding, the one that didn’t let her breathe, the one that built tears in her eyes.

Jane noticed the change in her face, and she tried to fix it immediately before Beca could answer.

“I’m sorry, maybe I asked too much,” she moved her hand forward and touched the top of Beca’s hand, as Beca tried to calm down as everything was okay.

“No, it’s okay,” she shook her head and cleared her throat again, gaze still lost on the table, “work-related,” she ended up saying, and it seemed enough to close the ‘New York’ topic. It was not only that topic that reminded of Chloe, anything reminded her of Chloe.

Chloe had been the most important part of the best years of her life, the most important person of her life, and even though she knew she needed to move on, it was harder than she could even imagine, because no one could ever compare to her.

“Tell me about you,” Beca finally said and took a long sip of her beer hoping it would help her.

It was almost midnight and after a long week, and after 5 beers and two cigarettes, it was time to go home.

“Where do you live?” Beca asked taking out another cigarette and bring it closer to her mouth.

“I live three blocks from here, down that street, what about you?”

“I live in Malibu,” she smiled.

“God, true, Amy told me many times,” Jane smiled back and ran her hand through her hair, “how are you going home?”

“I left my car next to the studio, but I’ll take a taxi tonight, I don’t think I can drive,”

“You shouldn’t, neither of us should drive right now,”

“Come on, I’ll take you home, I need to go that way to get the taxi,”

Jane wrapped her arm around Beca’s, and they made her way together. Beca was too drunk to even care about the touch, in fact, it reminded of Chloe.

God, she needed to stop comparing everything to Chloe.

It was a short way. In less than fifteen minutes they were in front of the blonde’s house.

“Thank you for tonight,” she started, “I had a really good time,” Jane held Beca’s hand

“Me too,” she smiled back.

Before Beca could say something more, Jane’s lips were on hers, kissing deeply, with one hand on her neck and the other one traveling up her back. She found herself kissing back, sucking the bottom lip of the blonde, hands on her hips.

It felt nice after all those months. It evaded her from reality for a while. Kisses moved down her neck, sucking hard with the intention of leaving a mark.

“You can stay here if you want,” Jane gasped in between kisses.

That voice made her go back to reality. That’s not what she wanted; she was not the person she wanted to kiss. She had a good time and she liked the girl, but she wasn’t ready, not yet.

“I think I should go,” Beca stepped back, but before she could go, Jane apologized.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t-“

“It’s okay,” Beca replied, “it’s just, there’s too much going on right now and I don’t think-, for now-“ she wasn’t able to finish the sentence, right now she just needed to get out of there.

“Take my card and call me if you want to, for a coffee or a beer, I swear it won’t happen again,” she smiled for the last time before turning around and getting into her home.

Beca just stood there for several seconds before turning around and making her way out of there.

She felt that all the alcohol in her body disappeared somehow like she was already sober again. It was getting late and her car was a few blocks away.

She knew she shouldn’t be driving, but with the cold air and the way to the car the alcohol would be completely gone.

She was lost on her thoughts, approaching her car when her phone rang. She wasn’t going to pick that call but when she saw who was on the one on the other line, she didn’t hesitate.

“Chloe?”

She could only hear background voices and noises, but she couldn’t hear Chloe.

“Chloe, are you okay?

She stopped and ran her hand through her hair. She was getting worried.

“It was your fault, Beca, you ruined us,”

She froze. Tears built in her eyes, but she didn’t even have the strength to stop them from coming out.

“I trusted you, Beca!” she could feel Chloe’s madness and the tears down the redhead’s face, “you fucking left me!”

“Chloe, give me that fucking phone!” she recognized Stacie on the background and after many noises, she finally got the phone.

“Beca, I’m so sorry, she’s drunk,” she tried to fix the mess, “please ignore all she said, she didn’t mean it,”

She hung up. What she was thinking about? What was she expecting Chloe to say?

She just got into her car and drove away until her she could calm down and go home, just in case Amy would be waiting.

It was almost 3:30 am when Beca got home, eyes red from crying and even though she calmed down, her chest hurt, and it was still hard to breathe properly.

She didn’t even know why, but she unlocked her phone and saw many unread messages.

_Stacie: Beca I’m so sorry._

_Stacie: I shouldn’t let her call you._

_Stacie: I shouldn’t have given her the phone._

_Stacie: I’m so sorry this happened._

_Stacie: You didn’t deserve that._

_Stacie: And I know she doesn’t think that way._

_Stacie: I know you want to be left alone._

_Stacie: But please, call me tomorrow or as soon as you can._

_Stacie: I hope you’re doing okay._

_Stacie: Love you and miss you._

Beca wishes she could forget about that call, she wishes she didn’t pick up in the first place, because she missed that voice so much, but hearing those words sunk her even more.

_Beca: It’s not your fault._

_Beca: I’ll be okay._

_Beca: Hope you’re doing fine._

* * *

Beca made her way down those dark silent halls to her room. Thank God that house was huge, and Amy’s room was at the other side of the house because Beca was sure that the blind date was organized so Amy would have the house to herself, so she would have invited someone over.

Beca didn’t blame her. It was her house after all.

Before she could turn up the light, she hit the box Amy told her about with her foot.

“Shit, Amy,” she hissed to herself. The box was light, it seemed empty. “Why would you leave this in the middle of the fucking room?”

She left the box on the chair and sat on her bed, hands covering her face. She was exhausted, but she was too afraid of closing her eyes and hearing and imagining Chloe’s words replaying all over again in her head.

She was afraid of moving on, to carry on with her life, afraid of the new and afraid that the new could never be as good as the old.

Her red eyes were fixed in that box. She knew she shouldn’t open it. She would have plenty of time tomorrow or next week, but she just went with it.

She broke the scotch tape with the car key and the folded pillow that was inside almost jumped on Beca’s face as a familiar smell coming out of the box and spreading through the room.

Her heart clenched and she felt a heavy weight on her chest as if someone hugged her so hard that it ruled her out of air. Not only in a bad way, but in a good way too.

Her anxiety and sadness were on her chest again. They never left, actually, but sometimes it was harder to handle, and that moment was one of them.

But on the other hand, that smell of the mix Chloe’s perfume and hair conditioner made her go back to their home in New York, to Chloe’s room, where she used to sleep most nights next to her love.

She hugged the pillow, holding it tight and inhaling every molecule of that smell. She cried many times in that room, and Chloe did too, but they had each other to comfort, to tell everything would be okay and never give up. The support somehow, she was missing in that new stage of her life.

They cried in that room, but not as much as they smiled and laughed, because every day, laying next to Chloe was a happy day.

But most importantly, they loved each other in that room, over that pillow. They were one.

She didn’t realize she was crying again until she moved the pillow on her bed when she saw the wet marks she left.

She put her hand on the box to grab the next item, but she only felt a sharp pain and when she put her hand out, she realized she had cut her hand, nothing to worry about, but enough to hurt.

“Shit,” she said to herself, “what the fuck,”

When she liked inside, she found a broken picture frame, panes everywhere which she carefully moved away and grabbed the photo at the bottom of the box.

She could remember that day. It was her junior year and they were on her third National Acapella Championship in Miami, their first as a couple. The picture was just them, looking at each other somewhere in the Miami pier with the sea behind them on a sunny day.

Tears kept rolling down her face, silently while she was remembering all those moments, where she wished she could go back.

She turned the picture around to read the short message Chloe wrote. “Together we are TITANIUM.” And she signed with her perfect red lipstick kiss mark.

She ran her thumb over the mark, carefully to not ruin it remembering all the times she kissed those lips, sometimes carefully and sometimes full of lust. Perfect in any possible way.

There it was the last object, a wide smile appeared on her face as tears kept running down. She covered her mouth to stop the sobs coming out after a few seconds.

It was their beginning and now it felt like it was their end, the moment to say goodbye and close that chapter. The yellow cup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been lying to myself thinking the sad chapters were done. I wrote most of it while being down and it shows.  
> I hope the sad chapters are worth it in the end!  
> Don't drink and drive. Don't leave your house and be safe and healthy. I'll try to write more now that I'm home too!  
> Thank you for reading this and for being patient with me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again! Thank you for keep waiting and keep reading this, I hope it distracts you for a while.  
> I hope you're safe at home!  
> Sorry for any mistake you may find! I hope you like it!

**_I hope someday we'll sit down together_ ** **_  
And laugh with each other about these days, these days  
All our troubles, we'll lay to rest and  
We'll wish we could come back to these days, these days_ **

****

**17 February 2019**

Beca wasn’t able to sleep. Too many emotions and feelings made her heart jump, and a thousand thoughts flashed through her mind. Everything was finally happening; all she’s been working for was right in front of her.

She was proud and sure of her work. She knew she was good with her work, but the implications it has.

The Bellas would be there, and she was excited to see them again, but would Chloe be there? Would Chloe (in case she was coming) or Aubrey mad about the song? Maybe she should stop bringing up the past, but this somehow felt like a closure.

She opened her eyes and there she was, Chloe sitting on her bed, watching her silently.

“Hey you, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” Beca could hear.

“What are you doing here?” She managed to say, incapable of keeping her eyes open.

“Come on, it’s too early for you to wake up,” she moved closer and Beca placed her head on Chloe’s lap while she ran her fingers through her hair, helping the shorter girl fell back to sleep.

“Will you come tonight?” Beca mumbled.

“Becs, your phone is ringing,” fingers running down her face until they reached Beca’s cheekbone helping her to wake up.

“What?”

“Your phone,”

Beca jumped at the alarm. It was a fucking dream, again. She didn’t know if it was good or bad luck, but it wasn’t the first time this happened. At least she was used to it and it didn’t affect her as much as it used to do.

She laid on her bed for an extra 10 minutes, trying to recover from that dream and clear her mind, but it was almost 1:45 pm and she needed to eat something and get ready because in an hour the makeup artist her boss hired for her would arrive her home, and she needed to be at the studio before six and then, head to the premiere, her premiere.

It was around 5 pm when she was done. Her makeup was done, and she was in her navy-blue suit. She stood in front of the mirror, alone in her apartment. She was almost ready, but there was something else left to do.

She put her heels on and grabbed her purse (she was using one of those now) and headed out.

It wasn’t a long drive, a little more than 10 minutes but she managed to call the Bellas and tell them to be ready.

She smiled to herself once she approached the parking lot and entered the same 24-hour food place she’s been going every day, usually twice a day (and some days even more) for the past (almost) two years.

That’s has been her second house for the past few weeks, once she moved out and got her own apartment. It felt less alone.

“You look gorgeous!” Beca wasn’t even a few steps from the door when she heard the middle-aged woman, “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be there already? I thought I wouldn’t see you today,” the woman moved closer.

“I told you I’d pass by before the premiere,” a wide smile appeared across Beca’s face when she saw the happiness in the other woman.

“You look so beautiful, darling, I’m afraid of moving closer,” she said holding the distance, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” she smiled “a little bit nervous,” she confessed.

“Well, I loved the little part you show me, you will do great, I know it,” she said, “You’re really talented, I’ve seen you work on that table night after night,” she pointed the table on the corner of the room.

“Can you like- give me one of your hugs?” It felt strange coming out of her lips, but that’s what she needed at the moment.

“I’ve been in the kitchen for 2 hours, darling, I don’t want to ruin your suit,”

“Please, a just for a moment,”

Who could say no to those blue eyes? The older woman stepped in and embraced Beca into a warm hug.

“I’m so proud of you, you’ll kick their asses” the Kelly whispered and made Beca let out a light chuckle.

“I wish you could come tonight,” Beca said breaking the hug and holding Kelly’s hand.

“Me too, but it will be fine, and your friends will be there waiting for you, now go before it’s late,” she squeezed Beca’s hand before releasing it. “I want to fear from you soon, okay?”

“Sure,” she smiled and made her way back to the car where she took a deep breath. It was hard not to think about the people who wouldn’t be there on her big day.

She didn’t know much about her mother for the past few months since she got her new boyfriend, and her dad had his classes going on and he couldn’t make it. Somehow Kelly was like the mother she needed in the big city, a maternal figure that cared about her.

And of course, there was no need to start with Chloe again.

But it was her big day after all, and even though it couldn’t be perfect, she would have the Bellas to make it great.

* * *

Chloe sat cross-legged on the large bed she shared with Aubrey in the hotel room. She was the only one that knew that Chloe was in Los Angeles figuring out if she should go to the premiere and face Beca or she should just go back home.

The Bellas were already in LA and they were having lunch in a restaurant near the hotel, but Chloe didn’t go with them. She really wanted to be with them, and hug all the girls, but she also knew that if she went with them, the Bellas would know she was in the city and if she finally would decide not to go, Beca would find somehow and it would hurt her.

So, there she was, just trying to figure out everything in her head, but she was too nervous to focus. This was the closest she had been to Beca in almost two years and it felt exciting and frightening.

There were so many feelings and emotions that she thought that she was over with, but now they were back on her head, making her heart almost jump out of her chest.

The key opening the door made her come back to reality. She jumped off of the bed when she saw that blonde hair entering the room.

“You’re here,” Aubrey ran to hug her best friend. After Chloe moved away, Aubrey hadn’t been able to visit as often as she used to do it while she was living in New York.

The last time she was able to hug her best friend was at the end of the summer. Work got busy and they couldn’t visit each other and calling each other and regular skypes sometimes weren’t just enough.

Chloe relaxed in Aubrey’s arms. The tension she had inside was gone for a moment and for the first time in a while, she felt safe.

Chloe didn’t realize she was crying until the taller girl broke the hug and ran her thumb under the redhead’s eyes, drying the tears that were falling.

“We’re fine, Chlo,” She held her close, a hand running through her red hair, the same thing Chloe did to her after they lost the Nationals of their junior year.

“God, I’m sorry,” Chloe said after a while, once she was calmer. She took a deep breath and sat up as she held Aubrey’s hand. “I’m fine, it’s just-,” she shook her head, “It’s been a lot lately and I missed you so much,”

“I’ve missed you, too,” she smiled, “that’s why I talked to your mom, I thought a Bella reunion would help to clear your mind and cheer you up,”

“About that,” she hesitated, “I’m not sure I’m ready right now, it’s just-,”

“I don’t want any excuses, Beale,” Sergeant Posen was back, “It’s been two years of the last Bella reunion, and it’s been long enough since you two broke up and you need to face it and move on,” After all those years, intimidating Aubrey didn’t work on Chloe. She knew what she was trying to do, change her mind, so she would go to the premiere and be mature for the first time in forever and face her feelings, but she wasn’t sure she could handle them.

“Don’t you dare, Posen!” Her tone was raising, “You know better than anyone how hard that was for me and saying this is not helping,”

“That’s why” Aubrey ran her hand through her hair, “I know you and I know what’s best for you!”

“You do? It seems you know nothing! You didn’t even ask me how I am! Beca it’s not the center of my fucking world,” There was a time when she was, and it was one of the best feelings of the world.

“Come on, Chloe, we’ve been over this,” Aubrey was arms crossed and her eyebrow up waiting for Chloe to answer.

“Okay, I’m done, call me when your dad leaves and I can talk to my friend,” Chloe said grabbing her purse and her coat ready to leave the room.

A knock on the door stopped Chloe and the room went quiet.

“No one can know I’m here,” Chloe whispered, she begged with her eyes to Aubrey.

“Go to the bathroom,” Aubrey mouthed, “I’ll handle this,”

“I can hear you shouting from the end of the hall,” Stacie didn’t wait for Aubrey to finish opening the door and made her way into the room, “you’re lucky the rest of Bellas are having an ice cream around the street,” she moved until she stood in the middle of the room and looked around, “where is she?”

“What are you talking abou-,” but before she could finish, Stacie was making her way to the bathroom.

“Beale, I know you’re in there,” she knocked the door.

“She’s not here,” Aubrey insisted, “I got a call from work and-“

“Don’t lie to me, Posen,” she turned around, “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me she was coming?” Mad Stacie was intimidating, but not as intimidating as Sergeant Posen, but of course, after the argument with Chloe, it wasn’t the best time to make it come out again.

“Stace, please, don’t start again,” she begged.

“Start what exactly?” she crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow.

Aubrey opened her mouth to protest, but the bathroom door interrupted them, and Chloe came out, eyes on the floor, scared to look up at to her friends.

“God, I’ve missed you so much,” Stacie enclosed her arms around her redhead friend. “How are you?” she broke the hug and cupped her face so Chloe would see her.

Chloe’s eyes filled with tears. She just reproached Aubrey for not asking that question, but now that someone said the words out loud, it felt like all the feelings she had inside got real decided to come out.

She stepped in and hugged Stacie again, slightly shaking as the tears ran down her face again.

“Chlo,” Aubrey whispered and made her way to the other girls to join the hug, caressing slowly the red hair down her friend’s shoulder.

It took a while for Chloe to calm down again. Aubrey and Stacie walked her to the edge of the bed and took a seat next to her, every girl held a hand form the redhead and encouraged her to speak her mind out.

“Since Greg and I broke up,” she started, “well, even before, I’ve been having a hard time handling my head,”

The two girls liked confused at each other, “I don’t think we understand you, Chlo,” Stacie finally said, “why don’t you start telling us about you and Greg?”

“A month before breaking up I was feeling out of place because at the beginning Austin was nice,” she bit her lip, “I was close to my family and I was living with Greg and we were fine,” she hesitated, “happy, I guess,”

“But he’s from Austin, and he had his family and friends in the same city and when we used to have dinners and meet up with his friends and their wives I felt out of place,” she took a deep breath and got ready to keep telling her friends what was wrong.

“I think it was the last dinner we had, I was alone with Marie, Greg best friend’s wife and she asked me about our relationship and-“ she shook her head and knit her brow, “She asked me about when were we getting married and I just- I wasn’t ready for that, I didn’t want that,”

“Greg didn’t like it because of course, he wanted to get married, with me,” Aubrey ran her finger over the top of Chloe’s hand. “I was having a hard time and he let out an ultimatum, he wanted to get married or he wanted to break up,” her voice cracked, and it didn’t go unnoticed by her friends who rubbed her back and held her close.

“I’m fine,” she laughed, “It was a relief, actually, because I wasn’t happy,” she lost her gaze somewhere on the floor, “I wonder if I ever were,” she whispered mostly to herself, but it didn’t go unnoticed, not by Aubrey.

“I moved back home, and it was nice the first week, it really helped, but what I was feeling in Austin, it came home with me,” a broken smile appeared on her face.

“What kind of feelings, Chlo?” Stacie asked softly and looked at Aubrey who looked at her concerned.

“Sometimes I have this voice inside my head, and most of the time I can make it shut up, but once it’s out of my control, it goes wild,” she shook her head, “God, I sound crazy,”

“It’s fine, Chlo,” Aubrey cleared her throat and asked carefully, “what does it say?”

“It just- it reminds me I’m not enough, that I keep hurting the people I love, that I’ve lost the last years of my life and now I have nowhere to go, I don’t have a place to call home,” her eyes filled with tears again, but she managed somehow to hold them, “Lately I just have this feeling, like I’m overwhelmed like the world is going to eat me alive, and it doesn’t make sense, because I live in a farm in the middle of nowhere,”

“Chloe,” Aubrey said in a trembling voice.

“It’s okay, I’m already seeing a therapist to help me out with anxiety and stuff,” she smiled again.

“Chlo, I’m so sorry for what I said before,” Aubrey asked for forgiveness, “I have no idea-“

“You don’t have to apologize,” Chloe smiled at her, “you were right” she scoffed, “I’m terrified of Beca and the feelings that will come up because I feel like all I’ve been working this time will disappear,” she sighed.

“Beca has been a very important person to you, it’s normal what you’re feeling, but you have to face your emotions if-,” Stacie tried to choose the best words for Chloe to feel better, “if you still want her in your life somehow,”

“Of course, I want her in my life, it’s that-,”

“That you’ll have to work a little harder to move on,” Aubrey finished the sentence.

“But what if she’s done with me? She’s the one who broke up, and after that time I called her drunk I-,”

“Trust us when we say she would give everything to have you back on her life,” Aubrey interrupted again.

“I’ve been in the middle of this relationship and the break-up and I think you owe each other an explanation and an apology,”

“We won’t force you to come tonight, that’s on you,” Aubrey said, “We’ll be waiting in case you decide to come, and if you don’t, we won’t tell anyone you’ve been here,” she squeezed Chloe’s hand.

* * *

So, there she was, finally standing on the backstage while important artists performed her song in front of managers, more artists, her bosses, and her family, the Bellas, who were in the front line enjoying the song.

She smiled at herself remembering the happy moments that inspired the song because again, almost all the memories she had with Chloe were happy ones.

She heard steps getting closer to her and it made her come back to reality when her boss stood next to her.

“Are you having a nice time? Because they seem to love it,” he whispered pointing at the crowd having a good time.

“I’m happy it’s finally out,” she whispered back with a wide smile on her face. That was it, if this worked, that would be her new life as an independent music producer, and she couldn’t be more excited.

The instrumental part after the chorus was on, but the interruption made her turn around to the stage, where the artists took advantage of it to present the woman that made the night happen.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are so happy and proud to introduce you to the person that made this possible,” they started.

“She’s one of the most talented people in the music industry and she has a promising career ahead,”

“She’s not only the producer but also the songwriter, please welcome her, Beca Mitchell!”

She froze. She didn’t expect those amazing singers would say those things about her on her first presentation of her first song.

“Come on,” her boss encouraged her, “the people want to meet you, go there and make yourself known,”

She made her way to the center of the stage, waving to the cheering people, in between the singers that just introduced her. She blushed as a wide smile crossed her face. There were no words to express how she felt.

They offered a spot and a microphone so she could sing with them the end of the song.

* * *

Chloe was standing outside that huge building with that green dress that matched her eyes. Her legs were shaking, and her heart was about to leave her body. Was this a good idea? And the most important thing, was she ready to handle it?

She needed to move on, to keep going with her life, and if facing her feelings with Beca was her only option, she needed to do it, and maybe that would mean having her best friend back in her life.

She read again the text she sent her 5 minutes ago.

_Aubrey: They are about to start, are you coming?_

It was time, she couldn’t prolong it any longer, it was now or never.

The doorman didn’t have any trouble looking for Chloe, Beca made sure she was the first on the list in case she finally was coming.

She made her way in, dodging the people in that crowded room until she finally made eye contact with the stage and tried to get closer, but the lights went out and the music started to play.

There was something familiar about that song. Chloe could recognize some beats that Beca used to pay when she was doing her mixes back on Barden, but it was the lyrics that made her go back to the past.

The rest came out fast. Her body froze when they presented Beca. Chloe knew she was very good producing music, but she would’ve never imagined the songwriting facet, and of course, not in a million years Chloe could have imagined that Beca would write a song about her, about them as her first big work.

It wasn’t until she saw the tiny brunette coming out on the stage when she felt the lack of air on her lungs and the pain on her chest of the pumping of her heart.

She unconsciously made her way to the stage, as the magnet that there was between them worked again after two years, but the vibration of her phone stopped her from getting any closer.

_Aubrey: Are you here?_

_Chloe: She wrote about us._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again, I have some doubts about the ending. I think I only have some chapters left and I don't want to leave any loose end, so if you think I forgot something just let me know.  
> Anyway, I'm thinking about writing a new work as the continuity of this story (once I'm done).   
> And one last thing because I don't want to be annoying, would you be up for some Staubrey content? (as a couple of course).


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! It's been a long month because my exams are here and I don't even have time to clear my mind writing this.  
> I split this chapter into two parts because I don't want to wait another month to update.  
> The next chapter will be longer and I hope it's better.

_**Cigarettes in the ashtray** _   
_**Reminiscing on those past days** _   
_**I thought you’d end up with my last name** _   
_**But that changed** _   
_**And I travelled around the world** _   
_**Think where you living at now?** _   
_**I heard you moved to Austin** _   
_**Got an apartment and settled down** _   
_**And every once in a while, I start texting** _   
_**Write a paragraph, but then I delete the message** _

****

Beca started singing, but even though she tried her best, she couldn’t even finish the first sentence. It was hard writing it down all those months ago, but after all the times she read it and all the times she heard it while recording, it felt impersonal.

But now she was saying it out loud, escaping from her lips and it made it real. It made her go back to the days sitting on the terrace of the apartment she shared with Amy in Malibu, late at night when Amy was already asleep when she used to smoke until her lungs felt out of air, thinking about all the mistakes she made, and thinking about that ring she saw that day when she got out of work, walking up and down Manhattan while she was waiting for Chloe to have a drink together, as they always did every Friday night.

She never understood about rings and jewelry, but she didn’t know why, but that ring reminded her of Chloe, and how beautiful she would look with that ring on her hand and calling her, her fiancé, if she would ever propose and Chloe said yes to her back then.

After all those months, it only repeated in her mind the idea of proposing Chloe if they would ever get back together, if Chloe would ever love her back as much as she loved her, she wouldn’t have to think about it, because now that she had learned what was a life without Choe, she knew that it wasn’t what she wanted. She was the love of her life and realized that years ago.

She knew something was different when they first kissed, that peck that made her kiss Chloe again, and it only confirmed that it was special, different at anybody else.

Being next to Chloe was exciting. Every day was the best day she could imagine. Every kiss was like traveling to the other side of the world and every touch like discovering something new.

People use to say that there’s a day when you wake up and you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with the person next to you. Beca never believed that.

After her parents’ divorce when she was just 13, relationships never felt real to her. It never worked with her partners in high school and never worked with Jesse, even though she tried to make it work.

But with Chloe, everything always flowed, it was dynamic, and she just wanted to wake up in the morning to spend another day next to her.

* * *

**February 2017**

It was a Saturday morning when she realized. They were sharing Chloe’s bed in her apartment in New York. Amy was probably in someone’s bed somewhere in the city, and Stacie was spending the weekend at Tyler’s. They had the house for their own, and that didn’t only mean incredibly sex around the house without worrying about waking up the rest of the girls.

But the intimacy that was created when they were alone it felt different, it made them connect even more, and it was that random Saturday in February when she woke up and Chloe was still asleep on top of her. Her head resting on her chest, deep breaths landing on her skin as the red hair spread to Beca’s neck and pillow, while Chloe’s arm was rounding the younger girl’s waist.

Beca couldn’t stop looking at her. The fragility of the moment and the love she felt for the woman next to her was pounding on her chest. She just loved Chloe so much that she felt the luckiest girl in the world.

She smiled at that scene. She didn’t need anything else in the world that Chloe by her side, that’s how she wanted to spend the rest of her life. She would wait a few weeks until the promotions at the studio (she was sure she would be promoted and that would mean more money to buy the ring).

She felt tears building up in her eyes and it was harder to breathe properly and her chest hurt as if someone grabbed her heart. It was weird. She would never have imagined that she would end up crying because she would love someone too much.

“No, no, no,” she mouthed to herself being careful of waking up the older woman, “fuck,” she sniffed.

She took deep breaths. God, she felt so stupid and ridiculous, when did she get so cheesy?

“Hey, babe,” Chloe opened her eyes and stretched her legs, “God, Becs, what’s wrong babe?” she jumped once she saw Beca under her, with her hands over her eyes and tears escaping down her face. She cupped carefully her girlfriend’s face and dried her tears slowly as she tried to comfort her.

“It’s fine, Becs, I’m here,” she laid a kiss on Beca’s temple, waiting for her to speak up, “why don’t you tell me what happened?”

“It’s so stupid, I’m so stupid,” she said running her hands over her eyes.

“What happened, Becs?” she said in a concerned tone before landing a soft kiss on Beca’s naked shoulder.

“It’s just-, God I’m so ridiculous,” she sighed her hands still on her face, embarrassed of looking at her girlfriend.

“Come on, Becs, it’s just me,” Chloe whispered running her finger over Beca’s cheekbone.

“I-, it’s just-, I love you so much it hurts looking at you because you are so perfect and so beautiful and I love you so much,” tears were back on her eyes, “I’m so cheesy,” she sniffed.

Chloe’s heart melted at that statement. She moved her hands on top of Beca’s and moved them away from Beca’s face to see those beautiful eyes she fell in love with.

“I love cheesy Beca,” she chuckled and landed her lips softly on Beca’s, “I love all kinds of Beca,” she said laying a kiss on Beca’s jawline, “every second,” she kissed her neck, “of every day,” she moved up to kiss her lips again.

“I can’t wait to move in with you and do this every morning with you by my side,” she said just before she deepened to the kiss, gasps escaping their lips.

What she didn’t expect was that the promotion she would get would be in Los Angeles, in another studio, and even though it broke her heart, she had to keep the promise she made to herself seven years ago, when she was 16, that she wouldn’t stop her career, not for anything nor anyone.

Who would have thought that three months after Beca got the idea of proposing to Chloe, she would be alone and heartbroken in Los Angeles because she just broke up with the love of her life?

* * *

**June 2018**

Beca’s professional career was reaching on a height. She was learning new skills every day, and with her talent, she started excelling as the best new producer of the studio, ready to have her own clients. That’s why her boss didn’t hesitate to tell her about this opportunity.

She heard high heels approaching her door. Her assistant didn’t wear those.

There was a knock on her door and her boss opened and leaned out through the door.

“Are you busy, Mitchell?”

“Hi, sir,” she stood up and cleared her throat, “I was just finishing-,”

“Okay, perfect time then,” he interrupted her, and he opened the door to let the woman behind him come in. “So, do you know my wife?”

A businesswoman entered the room and approached her table as she offered her hand.

“Hi, I’m Beca,” she shook her hand, “nice to meet you,”

“I know, I’ve heard a lot about you,” she smiled, “I’m Lydia,”

“She’s also my boss,” he said still standing on the door, “that’s why she’s here,”

“It’s everything okay?” Beca asked. That situation was getting really intimidating.

“Let’s take a seat, okay,” she said to her and to her husband who made his way to sit in front of Beca.

“I know you’re pretty busy lately with the new clients here in Los Angeles,” she started, “I’m in charge of some of the international artists of the company and every summer I visit the studios we have in some foreign countries. One of the producers that used to come with me just got married and she won’t be able to come this year,” she turned around to give a quick look at her husband.

“I need a new producer to help me this summer, and he recommended you,”

“I-, wow,” her brain didn’t work to form a full sentence.

“Before you decide, I want you to know the details and how the agreement would work, okay?”

“Sure, okay,” she nodded nervously.

“You’ll come with my team for around three months, you’ll have a special salary because those three months are pretty intense. We’re working 24/7 and the jet lag doesn’t make it any easier,” she chuckled. “Once we’re done, you’ll come back here, no one will take your place while you’re gone,”

“I won’t risk losing one of my best producers,” he joked as his wife rolled her eyes.

“We usually go to Hawaii for around a month and then Seoul, Barcelona, Copenhagen, Reykjavik, and New York,” she counted, “did I forget any? She turned to her husband.

“Last year you went to London, didn’t you?” He pointed out.

“Right, I think we’ll go depending on the time we have,” she nodded.

“Can I ask you something?” she cleared her mouth once she realized the words were out, “I mean, I don’t know if I should, I-,”

“Sure, that’s why we are here, to convince you to take the job,”

“You’re doing an amazing job then,” she joked nervously, “Why New York? That studio worked pretty well when I was there,”

“They visit the studio to check things out,” her boss said.

“They are still doing it pretty well, but we like to compare our works and improve together.

“We usually don’t stay long, maybe two nights before we come back to L.A.,”

“And obviously we’ll keep your vacation days, so you can spend them whenever you want,” he assured.

“So, what do you say?” Lydia leaned on the table waiting and hoping Beca would accept.

“When are we leaving?”

* * *

Packing wasn’t one of Beca’s strengths. Every time they had a competition back in Barden the Bellas helped her somehow, telling what kind of clothes she should get or reminding her to get her ID card which was already on her bag.

It would be hot in Hawaii and Barcelona, but it would get cold in Copenhagen and Reykjavik and her bag wasn’t even that big to fit some coats.

She groaned. This was insane, she was getting insane. She did her best trying to get the thought of Chloe out of her head, and she somehow managed to do so. In the last months, she really tried to move one, to leave the guilt behind, the urge to call her every night.

But now all she could think about is where would Chloe be. What if she moved to London and they meet somehow? Should she text her she would be in New York in a few months in case she was still living there?

The last she heard was when Stacie told her she was moving in with Tyler a few weeks ago, but she knew those girls too well. She knew that even though Tyler insisted on living as a couple, Stacie wasn’t ready. She also knew that the idea of leaving Chloe wasn’t on Stacie’s mind.

They understood each other, and she knew that something (or someone) should have happened for one of them to move out. But she didn’t want to ask, because she knew Stacie wouldn’t tell her the truth, or not ALL the truth.

She heard a noise somewhere in the room. She stopped the playlist that was on shuffle and listen carefully trying to find her vibrating phone somewhere under the t-shits all spread out on her bed.

“Hey Stace,” she picked up her phone, “How are you?”

“Hey, Hobbit,” Beca rolled her eyes, “We talked last week, why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”

“What?” Beca shook her head. There were so many things to remember that she felt her head was collapsing a little.

“You don’t ever read the Bella’s group chat, do you?”

“Okay, wait,” Beca paused the call to check what was happening, but when she unlocked, she found around 350 messages.

“What the fuck is going on? Do you really pretend I’m reading all the messages you crazy pitches send?” she laughed.

“I will recap for miss Mitchell here,” Stacie said in her sarcastic tone. “Amy said you had a trip work or something and you’d leave her alone for around three months, then CR told her she wouldn’t be alone because she’s always banging someone, Legacy laughed and they started arguing, and then Lilly started an emoji war or something like that,”

“I’m not even surprised,” Beca chuckled,

“Come on, I’ll pretend I know nothing, I want you to tell me what happened-,”

Beca could hear Stacie’s doorbell on the other side of the phone.

“She made it,” Stacie said mostly for herself.

“What? Who?” she asked. But there was no answer. All Beca could hear was background noise, the door getting closed, steps, and background voices that even though she focused and tried to listen and distinguish the people on that flat, it was impossible.

“Stace?” still no answer.

Clearly, Stacie was busy, and Beca thought it would be better to call her another time, but before she could hang up, she could hear Stacie’s voice getting closer to the speaker.

“It’s Beca, do you want to say hi?”

The only reason Beca was still on the other side was that she froze when she realized the situation.

There was someone in Stacie’s apartment in New York who knew her enough to talk to the phone because Stacie knew enough how much Beca hated phone calls with strangers.

But the only person Beca knew that lived or used to love in the city was Chloe, and after the drunk call, she’d never heard from her again.

“Hey, you,” It made her go back to reality. That wasn’t the voice she expected, and she didn’t know if she was relieved or not.

“Hey, Aubrey,” she sighed to herself, “what are you doing there?”

“Hi, Beca, how are you? I’m doing fine, thanks for asking for the first time in months,” she couldn’t see Beca, but she could imagine her rolling her eyes as she let out a groan.

“I didn’t know you moved to New York,” she teased.

“I didn’t know you were going on tour until Amy told us,” Beca almost forgot how much she hated Aubrey’s tone sometimes.

“Touché,” she rolled her eyes again.

“The speaker is on, Stacie can hear you,”

“Hi again,” Stacie’s voice could be heard far away.

“When are you leaving?” Aubrey asked.

“We’re leaving this Sunday and my boss said we’ll be away for three months or so,” she explained, “I thought Amy had already told you everything,”

“Amy only told us you were going on tour for a while with your boss, or something,” She could hear Stacie approaching the speaker, “haven’t you read the chat five minutes ago?”

“I told you I didn’t want to read more than 400 messages!” Beca protested.

“Come on, Hobbit!” Aubrey defended Stacie while the younger girl laughed.

“If you haven’t talked to Amy, you probably don’t know that I’ll be in New York at the end of September-,” before she could say another word, her phone dropped due to the scream at the other side of the line.

“WHAT? When?” Both girls said at the same time.

“I still don’t know the day, but our last stop is New York for a day or so because my boss needs to work some things there, so I’ll have the day off to spend with you,” she cleared her throat, “if you guys want to,”

“What the fuck, Beca!” Aubrey said, “We haven’t seen you in more than a year, of course, we want to see you!” Those words took by surprise the three girls.

Beca was never Aubrey’s favorite. When she was with Chloe, her relationship with Aubrey seemed to improve because, in the end, they were the people who loved the redhead the most.

When Beca broke up with Chloe, she didn’t know much about Aubrey for several months, until one day, in the middle of the summer, Beca got a text asking how was she doing, that she knew that it had been hard, but she could count on her if she needed to talk.

Because even though Aubrey had always been team Chloe, she knew how much Beca had loved her, and how she still did, and after some time she realized there was something more on that breakup.

“You do care about me now,” Beca teased to the older woman.

“Shut up,” she could imagine Aubrey blushing and rolling her eyes.

“I want you to text me every stop you make, okay?” Stacie demanded.

“Sure, as soon as I know them,”

“I’m so happy we’ll be able to see you at last,” Stacie sighed. Stacie had been her roommate for four years, and one of her best friends for six. Beca missed her and couldn’t wait to see them again.

Beca had bitten her tongue all the conversation, and even though she knew Stacie didn’t tell her everything because she didn’t want to hurt her, she needed to at least try asking.

“How’s Chloe?” It was always the same question. It was impossible not missing her.

Aubrey and Stacie looked at each other. They didn’t know where the limit was. There were some things that they couldn’t tell Beca because it would hurt more than they knew she was ready for, but they didn’t want to lie to her either.

“We’re seeing her tomorrow,” Stacie said after a few seconds, “Since we don’t live together, I don’t get to see her as often, and she’s busy with school,”

That seemed enough for Beca. At least knowing that she kept living her life, it forced her to keep with hers, and at least now she supposed she still lived in New York.

“I’m happy she’s fine,” she smiled to herself, “Look, it’s not that I don’t enjoy talking to you, guys, but I should go and finish my bag,”

“Are you okay?” Stacie carefully asked. Every time Beca asked about Chloe, Stacie’s heart broke a little because she knew Beca after all, and she could see in her eyes how much she loved Chloe when they lived together.

“I’m fine, Stace,” she tried to convince her, “I’ll let you know once I get to Hawaii,”

“You better call me, weirdo,” Stacie teased to relieve some tension form that conversation, “We love you, Beca,” she included Aubrey on that last statement.

“I love you too, pitches,” she said before hanging up.

Beca managed to make some room on her bed, in between all the jeans and t-shirts she had chosen to put on her bag and laid there for a while. It was nice talking to the girls and it would be even better to be able to see them after all those months, but at the same time, it made her realize how much she missed the Bellas, and how much she missed a Bella in particular.

The buzz of her phone made her jump before she could even lay properly.

_Stacie: I couldn’t tell you what to put on that bag, so I’ll text you the list I wrote down for you._

_Stacie: Be safe out there._

_Stacie: xx_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been to most of the places I want to write about so I'll need time to do some research.  
> Thank you again for reading, I hope at least you had a nice time.  
> Please be safe, and if you can, protest, sign petitions or donate to the movement Black Lives Matter.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! I'm so sorry for the delay. It's been a weird summer and it took me more than I had planned.  
> It was supposed to be longer but I'll leave that part for the next chapter.  
> I hope you're safe and healthy and I just want to say thank you for reading and your support.  
> Sorry for any mistakes you may find.

**_Cigarettes in the ashtray_ ** **_  
Reminiscing on those past days  
I thought you'd end up with my last name  
But that changed  
And I traveled around the world  
Think where you living now?  
I heard you moved to Austin  
Got an apartment and settled down  
And every once in a while  
I start texting  
Write a paragraph  
But then I delete the message_ **

**HAWAII**

Beca wasn’t a morning person. So, when her new boss told her she had to be at the airport at 7 am, not even coffee could help. In those conditions, it was even harder to pretend a smile and trying to get along to those new co-workers during the next three months.

She really wanted to make it work. It was a huge opportunity for her career and herself as a person and she finally would be able to travel around the world, because the only time she got out of the United States was when she went with the Bellas to Copenhagen.

They were supposed to visit some countries around Europe, but September was getting closer and all the girls had to plan her life after graduation.

But now there she was, standing there alone, watching as Lydia approached with her suitcase.

“Hi, Beca, I’m sorry I’m late,” she took a deep breath once she stood in front of Beca, “Everything it’s a little bit harder when you’ve got kids,” she sighed.

“Don’t worry about it,” she smiled nicely.

“Are you ready?”

“Born ready,” she wanted to crawl into a hole once she realized those words came out of her mouth. What was wrong with her? Couldn’t she pretend to be normal for 5 minutes?

“That’s the spirit,” the older woman smiled softly, “come on, the plane is waiting for us,”

“Where is everybody else?” Beca asked while they were on their way thought the airport.

“Mike is our pilot and driver and he’s already waiting in the plane, Mark is my assistant and he texted me he’s already waiting with Mike, and Angela will meet us there,”

Lydia could read Beca’s face and before she could ask the next question, she came with the answer, “Angela is the other producer, she’s worked with us for 5 years now, she was your age the first time she came with us,”

Lydia’s legs were long and keeping the path was getting harder for the younger woman. And as they walked those long halls, Beca was realizing what was about to happen and the excitement was taking over her body.

She couldn’t even believe they had a private jet just for them. It was amazing and the seats were actually comfortable.

“You should rest, at least until we get there,” Lydia said when she saw Beca yawning, half an hour after the take-off. “We’re supposed to meet our first client this afternoon and from that point, there’ll be no rest for three months, so use this time now.”

Beca didn’t remember much after that. She woke up in time just before landing, being able to enjoy the magical views of Honolulu from the air. Beca had never seen such as crystalline water nor that green that painted the mountains around.

Since that moment everything went faster. Once they landed, they had a car waiting for them which drove them to the hotel where they would spend the next month.

“This is your room,” Lydia said as she handed the key to the room 561, “We called earlier and there’s food in the room and you have almost two hours to get set up before our meeting,”

“What meeting?”

“We’ll meet here at 5 pm to discuss our first client before meeting him,”

“Okay, I’ll see you then,” Beca said before making her way to the elevator. That place was huge and classy, sadly it couldn’t be compared to the hotel rooms she and the Bellas could afford.

Her room was even better. From her balcony, she could see the sea and the, and it was almost bigger than her first apartment in Los Angeles.

Those two hours alone were what Beca needed. She unpacked, had a shower, and changed, getting ready for the meeting with the new group.

She used half an hour she had left to sit on that balcony and enjoy the views, thinking about everything and about nothing at the same time, but wishing she could enjoy it with the rest of her college family.

She also used the time to focus. She really needed to make a great impression, not only for her but also for her boss, who trusted her enough to propose her for the job.

She made her way to the reception where she was supposed to meet the rest of the group and she was relieved when she saw Mike and Mark sitting on a couch.

“You must be the rookie,” a young girl moved next to her, “I’m Angela,” she said as she offered her hand for Beca to shake.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Beca,”

“Lydia told me about you last week,” those green eyes pierced Beca’s blue eyes. “It’ll be nice having a new gust of fresh air in the team,” she smiled nicely, “we could really use it,”

“I’m really happy to be here,” a shy smile appeared on her face.

“Okay, team, let’s go” Lydia appeared and guide them down the halls of that huge place until they got to a conference room ready for them.

Beca took a seat next to Angela, who stood by her side all the way.

“First of all, you already know Beca,” Lydia pointed at her, “she’ll be joining us this time, and I hope it’s not the last one,” she smiled to her.

“I’ll explain what we usually do again for her, so it’s easier to organize everything,” she rummaged through her papers until she found the one she was looking for.

“Okay, so out first client is Angela’s favorite, for the third year in a row,” she said as a teasing smile appeared on her face.

“Oh God, please no,” Angela groaned with her face covered by her hands, “I can’t handle him again,” she said as the rest of the room was laughing at the situation, except Beca who didn’t understand a thing.

“He’s an actor, you might recognize him,” Lydia said catching her breath and handing a picture of that man.

“He’s a douchebag, no offense Lydia,” Angela jumped.

“None taken,”

“He’s just a middle-age crisis man, who thinks he can have a music career just because he’s already famous,”

“He’s hard to handle,” affirmed Lydia, “the producers that work here said they couldn’t understand that man, they didn’t know what he was asking for, so they left it for us,”

“Last year we spend three weeks producing a single song,” Angela complained.

“He’s paying, and this is our work,” she reassured, “plus, we have a new point of view that may help with him,” she concluded.

Lydia smirked when she found the list of the artists they’d be working with.

The second artist they’d be working in Honolulu was an eighteen-year-old girl who just signed with the label for her first EP.

In Seoul, they’d be working with a girl group who was working on her second album. Their first was a success in Korea and they were ready to show what they got to the world.

Beca read the long list. It was getting real and a rush of adrenalin ran down her body. She knew she could do that, and she needed to do it well.

“What’s up with London?” Angela’s voice made Beca return to the real world. Beca looked for London into that list, but it was a blank space.

“We don’t have much time this year,” their boss announced, “If we could win sometime somehow we would be able to go there and help with the single of one of the best singers in the UK, but we need to be in New York on the 25th of September, not a day after,”

* * *

The first days were the worst that Beca had lived as a producer. She had to handle many annoying clients when she was in New York, but she could come back to their flat and Chloe would be there to make her smile.

But Angela was right, and that guy has probably the worst client Beca had ever had. An being that far from home wasn’t helping at all. She couldn’t even believe she was starting to miss Amy sharing her confidence with her.

After five days sitting in front of the mixing table with no progress was starting to burn Beca alive.

“It’s not our fault,” Angela used to remind her every time she moved her hand through her hair in frustration, “It’s just one song,”

Thank God Lydia gave them a free afternoon so they could clear their mind.

Beca’s head was about to explode and even though she tried, she couldn’t fall asleep. That overwhelming feeling as pounding in her chest and not even the views of her balcony could help her at that moment.

She needed to get out.

She made her way down the beach, with no destination fixed in her mind. The cold water against her foot, and the sand in between her toes. It was weird because she never was a beach girl, but something in the sound of the waves relaxed her.

After a while when she got to the end of the beach, she found a little way up a little hill. It was like a little voice inside telling her to keep going, so she did.

And it was worth it.

She got to the top. It was as a viewpoint with several couples getting ready for the sunset. She kept walking and found a hidden space with a rock where she could sit away from the people and could be alone with her thoughts.

The smell of the salty ocean and the view of the sun melting with the water made her place special, different that when she saw the sunset in her house in Malibu.

She made her way back to the hotel. It was getting late and dark and she just wanted to eat something and go to sleep. Tomorrow would be another and, she was hoping, a better day.

_Lydia boss: Hi Beca._

_Lydia boss: I don’t know if you’re around._

_Lydia boss: But I’d like to talk to you._

_Beca: I was getting some air._

_Beca: I’ll get to the hotel in 5._

_Lydia boss: Come to my room when you get here._

Just what Beca needed to freak out again. What if Lydia regretted picking her? What if she was throwing her opportunity away?

She took a deep breath before knocking the door. She could feel her heart against her chest.

“Come in, it’s open,” she heard a voice inside.

She opened carefully to find her boss sitting on the balcony, notebook in hand. That room was much alike Beca’s.

“Come and take a seat,” she said as Beca was getting closer with a nervous smile.

“I’ve been in charge of this tour for almost 12 years now, and it doesn’t get any easier being away from my family,” she said as Beca sat next to her, “Some years ago I learned that writing my thoughts it can be therapeutic,” she left the notebook on the table in front of her. “Do you write?”

“I-,” she cleared her throat, “I don’t,” she managed to say.

“Look, Beca,” her boss started, “I know this is hard, and it’s even worse with that guy as our first client, but also because it’s your first time with a new team and there’s much going on, even for me sometimes,” she smiled.

“I’ve seen your face earlier, and I don’t want anyone to discourage you, okay? My husband told me about you because she believes in you, and I listened to some of your works and I had no doubt about who wanted on my team,”

Beca smiled while tears were forming in her eyes. That was all she needed to hear after that long day.

“The team’s got has your back, and I know I’m your boss and it may weird, but this is hard, and I want you to trust me. If you ever have any problem, or you feel that this is too much just come talk to me or Angela, okay? We’ll all have been there, and we know how it feels like,”

Beca couldn’t find her voice. She nodded as an understanding as she was able to clear her throat and answer, “I will, Lydia, thank you, I-,” she sighed trying to find the words, “I really appreciate that, it’s just, it’s been a long day, I guess,”

“Do you want to talk about it?” she raised an eyebrow.

“It’s okay,” she smiled, “tomorrow will be a better day, thank you,”

Beca jumped on her bed when she got to her room. That day was just exhausting and although that talk with Lydia helped a little, the feeling she had inside was pretty the same she got when her boss told her she had nothing special back in Atlanta.

Where was that feeling she had in the early week when she felt she could do anything? She knew it was only a bad day and she would regret that thought, but a part of her wishes she could go back to LA.

But back then, Chloe would be there, to cuddle her, kissing her, and telling her she was much more than just that stupid opinion. Chloe knew what to say to make her feel better and she really missed and needed her. Especially now.

It was like a loop again, and she couldn’t get her out of her mind.

She laid on her bed as the tears ran down her face with no resistance, she was too tired to fight back the urge.

She fell asleep while she was controlling her breathing to calm down.

Beca opened her eyes lightly, but her eyelids were too heavy. Anyway, she didn’t need it. She could recognize that scent anywhere in the world. And she loved it when she could feel it around her.

“Hey,” she heard. The voice was soft and kind and she could feel the thumb petting carefully against her cheek.

“Hi,” she said as a smile crossed her face, eyes half-open. She was there. Or at least it felt like she was, close to her, face to face laying on the pillow.

“Do you remember that song you showed me back in Barden?” she could hear Chloe’s words against her skin, “the one your dad used to play when he was still at home?”

“Mhm, why?” she asked confused in between being asleep and awake.

“I think you should listen to it,”

“Why?” she tried to open her eyes, but it was too hard.

“I think there’s something in it that might help you with that hard client you were working with,”

“Okay,” she yawned, “I’ll do it tomorrow morning before work,” she said in her sleepy voice.

“And I-,” she hesitated “I just wanted to tell you that I believe in you,”

“You do?”

“I’ve always believed in you, Becs, don’t let anyone tear you down, not even yourself, okay?” she said as her hand moved up to stroke Beca’s hair, massaging the skull.

“I miss you so much,” Beca’s voice cracked with the statement, “please don’t leave me,”

“I miss you, too,” she said as she moved closer and wrapped her arms around the younger woman, holding her against her chest as she laid a kiss on the corner of Beca’s mouth and another on her forehead, “I’m here, Becs,”

Beca could hear Chloe’s heart pounding and it didn’t take long for her to fall back asleep.

She woke up the next morning with the sound of her alarm with the path of a dry tear down her cheek and an empty spot next to her.

It felt bittersweet, but it wasn’t the first time Beca dreamed that Chloe was next to her. It seemed to happen every time Beca was having a hard time or when she felt overwhelmed.

And Beca had learned that if she focused on how much she missed Chloe; the week would only get worse. She took a moment to revive the memory before grabbing her laptop and look for the song Chloe had told her in her dream.

She listened to that song on repeat while she was in the shower and while she was getting ready, but nothing.

“Come on, it must be something in here,” she said to herself as she played the replay button again. She still had ten more minutes to try to figure that out.

An there it was. When she felt that all her faith was gone, she finally heard that beat. It was hard to notice it, but she noticed how important was for the harmony of that song.

She needed to try.

She made her way as fast as she could to the reception of the hotel, where the rest of the group was already waiting for her.

“Good morning everybody,” Lydia said, “we need to figure something out with our client,” she said mostly to Beca and Angela who were the ones in charge of making it happen.

“I know this one’s hard, but we only have to do this one song and we only have a week left, we don’t have time for any mistakes, okay?”

The girls nodded, “Don’t worry, boss,” Angela said with a smile across her face, “I think I’ve got an idea,”

“I really hope you do,” Lydia sighed to herself while they were on their way to the studio.

Beca was focused on her own idea and how she could make it out in case Angela’s wasn’t the right one.

“Are you feeling better?” She turned around when she heard the voice of her boss talking to her.

“I’m fine,” she smiled relieved, “I’m better, thank you,”

“I hope you’re ready to show us that incredible talent you’ve got,” she smiled to her before making her way into the studio.

Angela’s idea didn’t work. Not because it was a bad idea, in fact, was awesome how she had turned that initial beat around and make that fantastic harmony. But it wasn’t what the client was, in his words, it was too different from the initial sound he had in mind.

“God, I hate this asshole,” Angela had turned around and made her way next to Beca, who tried to reassure her with a kind smile.

“That’s pretty awesome,” she cleared her throat, “what you did there,”

“Any other ideas, girls?” Lydia sighed cutting their conversation.

“I’ve nothing, boss,” Angela ran her hand through her hair,

“It’s okay,” she rubbed Angela’s back to cheer her up, “I really liked your idea,”

Beca was focused on the mixing table, could her idea work? She had the first part in her head, but she was hesitating on how she could continue.

“Beca is your turn,”

“What-,” she shook her head confused.

“I know that look, and I want you to show us your idea,”

“Are you sure-,”

“Go, now,” she encouraged her, “we’ve got nothing to lose,”

She made her way and stood in front of the mixing table for a moment, studying it, and choosing the best way to do it.

She opened her mouth to talk to the client, but before any word could come out, Chloe’s words were replaying in her head, “I believe in you,” and that’s all the motivation she needed.

“Hi, sir,” she cleared her throat, “could you please start again and sing until the end of the first chorus?”

As the song started, Beca pulled out her magic. She added the beat she had in mind in the morning and the rest, it just came out. Beca’s hands were jumping to one side of the table to the other keeping the harmony they had from the start but transforming it into a very special and new sound.

Their eyes couldn’t believe it. Beca did it, she found what he was looking for and they would be able to move on even before their schedule.

Beca managed to finish the song that same morning. She didn’t want to put up that asshole anymore.

She even got the rest of the day off, celebrating the job with her new coworkers and having enough time to take the nap she needed to rest her mind after that dream.

* * *

She woke up around 7 pm. She felt rested, new, but there was something inside of her that felt different, weird.

She finally had everything she ever wanted. She was successful at the job of her dreams, she was happy, focusing on herself, with the best friends she could ask for.

She missed her family and she missed Chloe in her life the most, but after all those months, she was used to it. She couldn’t explain that feeling just a few hours later that the explosion of happiness she felt in the morning after producing that song. She had too many thoughts stuck in her head.

She didn’t have to think twice, she grabbed her headphones, a little notebook she had packed and tried to recreate her way to that viewpoint she discovered the day before, hoping the magic of that place would clear her mind.

And it helped. Something in the way the sea met the water from that point, lighted up something in her, something she couldn’t identify. Was it hope? Was it fear? Guess she had to figure that out.

It was almost dark when she got to her room. She as starving and the moon was too beautiful to just go to sleep.

She made her way to the minibar, hoping she could find something to eat so she didn’t have to get out and pick something from the bar two streets away from the hotel.

Before she could look inside the minibar, someone knocked on the door. She jumped at the sound; she didn’t expect anybody to visit her, but Angela and Mark waiting in the hallway, with a pizza and some beers to celebrate the last day of agony standing that asshole.

“Thank God it’s you,” she said relieved, “come on in,” Beca was glad the room wasn’t as messy as she used to have it.

Angela grabbed a beer for each and left the rest on the minibar on Beca’s room before made her way to the balcony. The ocean breeze was refreshing on that warm night. The moon was reflexing on the water lighting the atmosphere.

Beca took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the smell of the sea, and took a long sip on her beer.

“Your balcony feels way nicer than mine,” Angela joked.

“That’s because I’m in it,” Mark teased and winked at her.

“Shut up! Don’t flirt again! You’re married,” she laughed.

“Wait, what?” Beca said surprised, “you are?”

Mark showed her finger to the rookie, who couldn’t believe she just missed it.

“I’m not that ugly,” he said when she saw Beca’s face.

“What? No, I didn’t mean-,” Beca ran her fingers through her hair trying to figure out a way to fix this.

“Beca, relax,” he laughed, “it was just a joke,”

Beca took a deep breath and smiled relieved. “It’s just,” she cleared her throat, “you seem so young that I thought-,”

“I’m 24, but when you find your true love, you have no time to waste,” he smiled.

“God,” Angela groaned, “Thanks, Beca, now we have cheesy Mark in the room,” she rolled her eyes before bursting out of laughter.

“When did you get married?” Beca asked.

“Last October, once we got back from the last tour,” he looked at Angela who smiled back, “I felt so bad because he had to manage all the wedding preparations, but it was even more than I could have imagined,” he smiled at that memory.

“It was one of the most beautiful weddings I ever been to,” Angela confessed with a shy smile on her face.

“What about you, Beca?” Mark asked.

“Me what?” she shook her head and tried to focus back on the conversation.

“For the reaction, you had before, I assume you’re not married,” he laughed, “but are you seeing anyone?” he raised an eyebrow.

“I-,” she cleared her throat trying to win some time to think what to answer. “I’m not seeing anyone,” she forced a smile hoping it would be enough.

Before he could say something else, a knock on the door interrupted the conversation.

“Oh, hi,” Beca cleared her throat once she opened the door and found her boss on the other side.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“Not at all, come in” Beca let her in, “do you want something to drink?”

“No, thanks,” she said making her way to the balcony, “I needed to talk to you about our planning, we have some changes to make,”

“Tell us, boss,” Mark got ready in case he had to leave to help Lydia.

“Now that we’re done with Angela’s friend,” she teased the other woman, “the project is underway and I need to ask you what you want to do next,” she looked at them.

“The first option we have is having the rest of this week and the next free,” she started, “this way, we would be following the schedule and after that, we would be starting with the next client,”

“The other option is having tomorrow free, so you can enjoy the day, and I’ll try to advance all the clients, so we can expend that free week in London, helping with that singer you wanted to meet,” she smiled.

The first option seemed to like the group, a free vacation in Hawaii was always a good plan, but when Lydia dropped the second option, the two producers didn’t hesitate.

Angela had a longer career than her, and she had worked with many big fishes in the industry, but for Beca who was beginning in that world, any new client was a new world to discover.

Beca bite her lip and looked at Angela who understood her only by a sight in the dark.

“I think we’ll take the second option, boss,” Angela said and smiled at Beca before returning her eyes at Lydia.

Lydia looked at Beca who could only nod, eyes filled with joy at that idea.

“That’s it, then,” she said with a smile on her face, “I know it’s late,” her eyes landed on Mark, “But I need you in about an hour in my room because with the time difference, we need to call to Europe as soon as we can to make sure the plan is viable,”

“Sure boss, I’ll be there,” he smiled.

“I’m sorry again, we’ll handle the rest tomorrow morning,” she smiled at the group, “I’ll get going because I needed to talk to you before telling the new plan to Mike,”

“Have fun, girls, you deserve it,” she said as she made her way to the door.

“Cheers to Beca,” Angela said once her boss had left the room, “for saving us today, for allowing us to go to London and for not having to see that asshole until next year,”

Beca smiled and took a long sip of her beer. It felt amazing after the long week they had.

“I still need you to tell me how you did it,” Angela smiled.

“Did what?” she asked confused.

“How you did that masterpiece,” Beca was glad it was dark, and no one could notice the blush that appeared on her face, “I’ve been working with that man every summer and this is the first time I see him fully happy with a song,”

“I-,” she tried to answer that question without sounding crazy, “I had a dream,” she started.

“Come on!” Angela groaned, “it can’t be it!”

“In the dream, I was told to listen to a song my dad used to play me when I was a child,” she cleared her throat at the memory, “when I woke up this morning, I listened to it several times and I couldn’t find anything useful to use on that song until I found it,” she smiled to the older woman in front of her, “if you focused on the beat, you could feel a cool variation and I thought it could work, the rest just came out,”

“You could have just said you’re amazing and it would be it,” she smiled at her.

“Okay, you’re talking about topics I don’t understand, and Lydia is waiting for me,” Mark said before taking the last sip of his beer.

“I’m sorry you have to leave,” Beca said.

“It’s not your fault, I prefer going to London, too,” he smiled, “take another one for me,” he said before leaving the room.

Talking to Angela was easy and nice. Hours passed before they could even notice it. She was glad there was someone as good as the older woman willing to teach her new tricks and helping her improve in that man’s world.

“I really appreciate what you’ve done for me,” Beca almost mumbled.

“What have I done?” Angela asked after a sip of her third beer.

“You know,” she cleared her throat, “helping me with all this stuff,” she awkwardly said, “I know how competitive this world is, especially for women,”

“I know how hard it can be when you’re starting, it’s still hard for me,” she sighed, “my first boss was an asshole, he didn’t want anyone to be better than he was,”

“Me too,” Beca shyly smiled.

“But when I was hired on this company and started working in LA, Lydia’s husband was so nice to me and he helped me so much, and so did Lydia, obviously,” she smiled.

“You were working in LA?”

“Yeah,” she laughed, “when the promotions arrived, I asked my boss for a transfer to Washington, and he said there was a vacancy as a production supervisor and I took it,”

“So I got your vacancy,” Beca smiled and took another sip of her beer, “why did you leave? the LA studio is the best one I’ve ever been,”

“I-,” she took a deep breath thinking for an answer for Beca, “You know, this job is hard, the extended working hours, the trips,” she took a long sip of her beer, “only people who work in this world know how things go, and sometimes you can’t ask someone to wait for you forever,” that crack on Angela’s voice didn’t go unnoticed by Beca.  
  


“I know,” Beca said with a knot on her throat.

“I know you do,” Angela half smiled, “I’ve seen the look on your face when Mark asked you before,”

“Can I ask what happened to you?” it came out as a whisper.

“We lived in Chicago and I had this job at this studio,” she cleared her throat, “and I was starting and as the rookie, I couldn’t say no to any work they have me there,”

Beca nodded to herself as she remembered the first months in Los Angeles.

“He understood and supported me, and even though we couldn’t spend all the time we wanted together we were doing fine,” she ran her fingers through her hair, “but then he got his new job, and hour schedule was so different that we got distant,” she finally said, but Beca saw something in her eyes like she needed to let it out, to talk it out loud.

“It really breaks you realizing the things you’re losing while you’re with someone,” her voice cracked, and looked at Beca, “I knew I had lost him was when we lose the intimacy we had, our essence,”

“You broke up with him?” Beca almost whispered.

“He broke up with me after 5 years together,” Angela sighed, “we got into an argument one night after work, I don’t even remember why because those nonsense arguments were common, but he said he didn’t want to do that anymore,” Angela explained holding her tears and forcing a reassuring smile.

“That’s why you moved to Los Angeles,” Beca said and Angela just nodded.

“I needed to run away,” she cleared her throat, “It’s been four years since our break up, but I know that I lost the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with,” she opened her eyes in surprise when she realized what she said, “God, now I’m the cheesy one,” she laughed.

“But why Washington? I mean, sorry if I’m asking too much, I-,”

“It’s okay, It’s good for me to let it out,” she smiled at Beca, “I heard that he moved there, and I wanted to fix everything, I wanted him back in my life, at least as a friend,” she explained, “it hurts sometimes because he has a new girlfriend and he’s happy, but I get to see him once a week to have coffee together,”

“It’s nice that you still have him in your life somehow,” Beca forced a smile trying to ignore the knot in her throat.

“What happened to you? If you want to tell me, of course,” Angela asked intrigued.

“I don’t think I ever told anyone,” her voice cracked and Beca hoped it would go unnoticed.

“In that case, I think it’ll be good for you to let it out,” Angela said with a reassuring tone and moved closer to hold her hand during the process.

“We had been together for around three years,” she started with a trembling voice, “We met at college, and the first time we kissed I knew she was special. We moved to New York with some friends and I was waiting for the promotion and the higher salary to move with her and I-,” she had to close her eyes and take a deep breath before keeping with the story.

“It’s okay, Beca,” Angela encouraged her.

“I wanted to marry her, and we had it all, but I didn’t know that the promotion was in Los Angeles and I took it before even telling her. She couldn’t move to LA with me because she just got in this amazing art academy,” she took a long sip of her beer hoping it would release the knot in her throat that was getting bigger.

“I had to bear that situation for a year until she was done, and the first month we were doing fine because we had free time and it was easy, but when I started in the studio and she was studying and working it all got worse,” her gaze was lost.

“I knew she was sad and it was hard because I couldn’t sleep at night, and I was feeling so guilty every second of the day because I was hurting the person I love the most and I just wanted her to be happy and I thought that once the year was over we would be back together, I was an asshole and I didn’t tell her how I was feeling and I ended up hurting her even more than I intended,” a silent tear rolled down her cheek.

“Some months later I found out she found a guy and I really hope he makes her happy, because she deserves all the good in the world, and even though I love her more than my life, I don’t think I ever deserved her,”

“Why don’t you call her? Or text her? Everybody deserves an explanation and it’s better late than never,”

“I’m so embarrassed,” she shook her head, “I don’t even know what to say,”

“Sometimes you just have to say all you have inside, let it all out, and apologize for your mistakes, because if she cares about you and wants you back to her life, as a friend or as something more, she will listen to you and she will forgive you,”

“This sounds crazy, but I feel sometimes that she’s still next to me, helping me when I need her,” she smiled at the thought of last night, “You know, she told me to listen to that song in my dream, and it’s hard because once I wake up she’s gone,”

“I have to say that’s a pretty awesome secret weapon,” she made Beca laugh to break the tension.

“Call her once we’re back home, trust me, it’s hard but sometimes that’s the only way to get over someone or get them back on our lives and it’s worth all the pain, I promise,” Angela dried a new tear that ran down Beca’s face with her thumb.

“Thank you, I-,” Beca cleared her throat, “I really needed that,”

“Always happy to help,” she smiled, “but I should get going because it’s almost 3:30 am and we all need to rest,”

The girls made her way to the door and before opening it, Angela wrapped her arms around the younger girl, “if you need anything I’m here, okay?”

Beca just nodded into that hug and whispered a weak ‘thank you’.

* * *

A thunder woke Beca up the next morning. She was glad it was raining so she could lay in bed all morning and rest. She still couldn’t believe she just told Angela about Chloe. She didn’t regret it.

There were many things inside her head, but she tried not to focus on any because she knew it would turn a loop again.

No texts or missed phone calls waiting for her to answer. Would anybody be missing her? She knew it was probably the hangover, but that familiar loneliness feeling was filling her without even noticing.

She tried to read that book she bought almost a year ago and she had packed just in case she had free time, but she couldn’t even read a full sentence.

She skipped lunch and she didn’t even recognize herself when she played a random movie on Netflix, hoping it would help her fall asleep.

_Beca: I miss you, guys._

The buzz of her phone woke her up a while after.

_Angela: Hi!_

_Angela: Are you okay??_

_Angela: I haven’t seen you at lunch._

_Angela: Do you wanna come to my room so we study 2gether our next client?_

_Angela: I think her name is Joanne?_

_Angela: Hope it doesn’t sound weird._

_Angela: lol_

She smiled at the texts. She was glad she found a friend who would understand her. She felt comfortable around Angela. She tried to focus her gaze before typing back.

_Beca: Just woke up._

_Beca: Be there in 10._

She got many texts messages from the Bella’s group, answering hearts or saying they missed her too, and they were hoping for a reunion soon. No answer from Chloe.

She had many messages in her private chat with Stacie.

_Stacie: I miss you 2, Hobbit._

_Stacie: I haven’t text u because I know you’re busy._

_Stacie: But I can’t wait 2 see you in NYC soon._

_Stacie: You know I’m here if you need anything._

_Stacie: Love you, Pitch._

The knot appeared on her throat. She would give anything to hug Stacie. Well, she would give anything to hug any of the Bellas and feel like home again.

_Beca: Love you 2, Stace._

_Beca: I’ll try 2 call you before leaving Hawaii._

Spending the rest of the day with Angela helped her clear her mind. She laughed and after a few hours of listening to the same songs on repeat, they thought they found the best sound for Joanne.

* * *

The next two weeks flew by. They had the exact time to edit and produce the entire album, and since it was her debut album, they needed to make it perfect to shine enough to be heard in the industry.

She knew her co-workers better as days passed, and the tandem with Angela was stronger every day. They complimented each other professionally and worked really well together.

Lydia wished she’d put them together sooner, because their work was impeccable, and the comradeship was the best she had in years.

* * *

“So, we are flying toward tomorrow?” Beca asked confused.

“What? No, tomorrow will be today,” Mark explained.

“No! Today will be tomorrow!” Angela laughed as she saw the confused faces of her friends.

“But last year it was as I said!”

“Yeah! But because our flight was Seoul-Hawaii, not Hawaii-Seoul,”

“Okay kids, enough arguing, and fasten your seatbelt,” Lydia said as she sat on her seat, “Mike said we will take-off soon, so you should rest now that you can because jet lag hits really hard,”

“It will be a very long flight,” Angela sighed next to Beca.

“You’re next to me,” Beca winked and made her laugh.

“Whatever,” Angela rolled her eyes, “what’s the plan for the next days, boss?”

“We’ll land tomorrow morning and we’ll have that day off to set up and rest and recover the jet lag a little bit and we’ll meet on Monday morning before going to the studio,”

“There’re sandwiches in the back and drinks in the minibar,” Mark explained.

Beca was able to enjoy the views after the take-off. It really amazed her how magical that place seemed from that high. She took a deep breath and put her headphones on, she looked for her oldest playlist, the one she made during her freshman year when she was deciding with Aubrey and Chloe which songs should they perform for the Nationals.

The sleeping pill made its work and Beca fell asleep right away.


End file.
